Russian Roulette

So I'm totally still slacking haha. My bad. But I've been busy working and taking care of my mom. So uh what to update on...

Well I'm again having my epic battle of what to major in. I'm still with Social Work right now but in the back of my head there is always a little sign blinking that wants me to go into some form of medicine. Its not a money thing its just an interest thing. I'd love to go into a medical field of just about any kind but I don't think I want to work in a hospital. Which is where my problem comes in haha. I've been thinking about paramedic science. Then I could be out in the city helping people. Which would be nice. BUT I still want to do SW. My desire to do SW has only grown stronger after my classes but it also makes my sign blink brighter saying "But what about this option?" I'm frustrating myself. I love the thought of doing either of them. Idk...

In other fabulous news my back is much better. I was hurting bad for about 5 or 6 days though. The brace helped a lot on the days I wasn't too stubborn to wear it. haha. There is a little pain when I move certain ways but its more like a little pinch. Its nothing like the nearly paralyzing bolt of pain that I was feeling.

I'm very excited again about Friday plans. I just have to get through work today and then its party time. I have to work from 11-8 then I'm going out with Te and D for what has to be a great time. Its impossible for the three of us to be together and not be laughing. Hell even two of us haha. Even at work we are always having a good time and occasionally get in trouble for laughing too much. Which will make work interesting before we go out because we will all be there together for 5 hours today. Oh the possibilities. lol

Well now I need to go get dressed and head to work.

Is not the same without a gun.

Looking Back I Clearly See

Well I've been slacking on the posts. Even though school is over for the summer I'm still busy. My mom had surgery and I've been taking care of her when I'm not at work. I have been able to sleep in a couple times though so that's nice.

I hurt my back yesterday. I'm trying not to move but that's not really working for me. Plus since I'm helping my mom I have to keep helping her up and half carrying her which is making it worse but I can't leave her. I even broke out my old brace. I'm pretty sure I haven't worn it in over a year even when I've needed it. I'm stubborn I won't lie. This week I had to give in though because I can't hardly stand up without it.

I'm so ready for the weekend! Friday me, Te, and maybe a couple other people are going out so I'm really excited. Saturday and Sunday I'll be working mostly so that sucks but I'm just excited to get out one night after this week. It hasn't been the greatest...it hasn't been the worst either but its just made me tired so I'm ready for some fun.

I should get going. I need to do some laundry but I don't think I can bend down to get them out of the dryer so that may not happen. We'll see I guess. If I can't do that I guess I should make sure I'm caught up on Grey's Anatomy before the finale tonight. :)

What it is that's killing me. Through the eyes of one I know, I see a vision once let go.

There Will Come a Time When I Will Come Undone

I'm so happy that school is almost over for this semester! I've been so busy. But I love it! haha. We've been really busy over the past week at BL. Sunday I worked from 730 to 330 then from 530 to 930. Tuesday I got called in early. I worked from 12 to 8 Thursday and it was pretty busy too. I'm assuming today will suck too. Oh well.

My sister's little dog just broke a key off my laptop. He was trying to hop into my lap and one of his nails popped it off and then he took off with it. I pried my arrow key from his mouth but its too jacked up now to get it back on. That damn dog is lucky he is cute or he'd die right about now. There is the little devil below. He's cute but today he almost had to die. Two more finals to go today. Then working 4-10. I can't wait for school to just be done! AH! Tomorrow I'm going to a wedding to shoot pictures. I'm worried it will rain. The wedding is outside and they don't have a plan B for bad weather. Oh my. Its been raining all week and I'm pretty sure it will tomorrow. Can we get good weather at least until the reception?

I believe now I will go make a sad attempt at finding something productive to do....I guess.

And you will let me fall. I'll leave it all behind before you break me down.

Well I Gotta Have Faith

Hope just doesn't cut it sometimes. That's why you have to have faith. It can really make all the difference and its a change of mind for the better.

Hope is waiting for something to happen and wishing for the outcome you want. Faith is knowing that it HAS happened. Its nice. I don't hope for success anymore. One of my biggest fears is being a failure so I used to hope to excel in everything I did. But I gave up on hope. I'm relying now on faith. I have faith that I am already successful. I've successfully graduated with the diploma I want, I've been successful with my business, and I've become the kind of person I want to be. However, I have a long way to go in school, just started my business, and still need to make personal changes. I know it will all fall into place and happen when it should. I have faith that its happened already, I just have to catch up to it.

Its actually strange to switch your thinking. Instead of worrying all the time now that I'm going to do something wrong that could cause me to fall behind, I'm not worrying at all. I'm fine with everything and what happens happens whether its good or bad. It doesn't matter because that just means its meant to happen to get me to that point where I am already successful.

I'm not worried at all about my business. I know I've already become successful in it later. That's all I need. All I need for anything is faith. Every time I get in my car I'm terrified that I will be in a wreck. I have faith that I have already made it to work safely. Anything like that is helpful. And knowing something you want has already happened instead of having so much doubt is really a relief. Doubt can be a bitch. Faith doesn't leave room for doubt where hope does. So have faith that what you want most right now has already happened and smile because the wait is over.

And I know all the games you play cause I play them too.