WOW I haven't posted in damn near forever.
The good news is you haven't missed anything. haha. My life is so boring....but I guess lets do an update...
I was impressed because my car didn't break down this month. Usually around the 18th-20th each month it decides not to start for whatever reason. I guess I got lucky.
I've been working a lot as always and going out with friends. I'm really loving these summer nights! Nothing has really changed at BL...of course. We have some new people and lost some others. Some people like me there a few hate me. I don't really care. I wasn't really that shy before working there but oh my I am really outgoing now! Love it.
My personal business is growing. Its growing slowly but any progress is great. I'm still quite optimistic and very excited about it. I'm really hoping to speed up my progress over the next month. We'll see how it goes I guess.
Tomorrow I get to call my doctor's office and see if I can get an appointment sometime soon. I have a twitch thing in my arm and its getting a lot worse. It doesn't hurt or anything its just really freaking annoying. I've had it since 7th grade and never done anything about it. I don't think its something that can be really easily fixed because I don't know how easy it will be to pinpoint the problem. I don't care if it gets fixed or not really...all I want is an answer for why my arm jerks up all the time. I almost smacked D the other day because of it. I couldn't help it, she was standing next to me and it just jerked up. Sometimes I can feel it coming and try to hold that arm down to stop it but a lot of times it comes out of no where and the whole arm yanks up. I hope they have an answer for me...if they do I'll update on it.
As for now...I'm pretty sure I'm going to go pass out. I've stayed up until 3 or 4 the past few days and I'm ready to catch up on that sleep.
You're already the voice inside my head, I miss you.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
My Legs and Arms Are Broken Down
Time for a heart to heart. Or I guess...heart to blog, blog to heart. Whatever. Don't judge me. haha.
I've realized that I have no idea why I am happy. And that in a way my thoughts haven't changed much to make me more of a positive person. My self esteem has gone up and that's good. I credit that little boost to D. She said something one time that just made a little click in my head. I'd quote her but I don't remember it exactly and it would sound confusing if I tried. haha. But basically I hate myself a little less which is nice. I'm guessing that has cheered me up some but its not the main reason.
Of course...I guess I can't say it isn't if I don't know what the main reason is. In my mind...I feel as though I have nothing to live for. I feel like I disappoint people often and therefore it wouldn't be a great loss if I was gone. However, I do feel like I have people to live for. I realized that if it wasn't for some people in my life I wouldn't get out of bed each day. Some of these people I talk to every day and others I may not get to talk to for months. Its hard to explain I guess.
I about lost my cool the other day. I couldn't help it. I told some of my family (aka the awesome support system) about my thoughts on changing my major. Suddenly they are supportive of my decision to be a social worker. Wtf. Its not that they finally realized that it wouldn't be such a bad job...its just because they would rather me do that then go into paramedic science. So basically they are even more negative than before. I amazed I found something they disapprove of more than SW because they used to treat it like a damn plague. Oh well. I'm hoping I can make my business really take off here in the next couple months and then I won't even need to get a diploma because I will be financially kicking ass.
With envy for the solid ground.
I've realized that I have no idea why I am happy. And that in a way my thoughts haven't changed much to make me more of a positive person. My self esteem has gone up and that's good. I credit that little boost to D. She said something one time that just made a little click in my head. I'd quote her but I don't remember it exactly and it would sound confusing if I tried. haha. But basically I hate myself a little less which is nice. I'm guessing that has cheered me up some but its not the main reason.
Of course...I guess I can't say it isn't if I don't know what the main reason is. In my mind...I feel as though I have nothing to live for. I feel like I disappoint people often and therefore it wouldn't be a great loss if I was gone. However, I do feel like I have people to live for. I realized that if it wasn't for some people in my life I wouldn't get out of bed each day. Some of these people I talk to every day and others I may not get to talk to for months. Its hard to explain I guess.
I about lost my cool the other day. I couldn't help it. I told some of my family (aka the awesome support system) about my thoughts on changing my major. Suddenly they are supportive of my decision to be a social worker. Wtf. Its not that they finally realized that it wouldn't be such a bad job...its just because they would rather me do that then go into paramedic science. So basically they are even more negative than before. I amazed I found something they disapprove of more than SW because they used to treat it like a damn plague. Oh well. I'm hoping I can make my business really take off here in the next couple months and then I won't even need to get a diploma because I will be financially kicking ass.
With envy for the solid ground.
Friday, June 5, 2009
This is Our Decision to Live Fast and Die Young
I seem to be on a terrible trend where I take forever to do a new post. My bad. I just get busy and lost in the summer days.
I'm doing pretty good. And I don't mean things are going good (even though they are for the most part) I mean I'm mentally and emotionally doing much better. I've been closed and throwing up walls left and right for awhile (since August to be exact) but now I'm a little more open and I've been able to deal with the death. It took me almost 10 months but I'm finally okay. I still don't discuss that with anyone but talking about other things has helped relieve pressure there and allowed me to deal with the things I need to deal with instead of having everything build up inside. I'd feel better if I could see a couple people I haven't seen for a long time that have always been really helpful but I haven't had a chance yet. Two good friends from work have been helping me out though. They've been great.
Other than the fact I'm not quite losing my mind anymore, things are pretty great. Its going great at both jobs and my business. I can't wait until our next photography event. I love shooting wedding pictures. They are so fun! Its going great at BL and other than the occasional shitty customer I still love going to work. My business is growing...slowly but its better than nothing. In August I'm going to Florida with a few friends and I can't wait to expand my business down there! I know...its Florida and we will be on the beach and I should enjoy a vacation but I can't pass up an opportunity to try to expand while I'm in a great city. That would make me stupid. Lets just hope I can get my meetings out of the way before all the crazy sunburn lines I'm sure I will get. haha.
I'm happy. I'm very happy. I still have the issues with the shitty support system and my father being an ass but I'm happy. I wish I could help some friends but sadly the ones I want to help most are the ones with problems I can't fix. I think thats why I want so badly to help them. I'll find a way someday. But as for now its time to catch up on a little sleep and then get ready for another exciting day at BL. Working 4-10 tomorrow...not my favorite shift but its a blessing to have a job.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
I'm doing pretty good. And I don't mean things are going good (even though they are for the most part) I mean I'm mentally and emotionally doing much better. I've been closed and throwing up walls left and right for awhile (since August to be exact) but now I'm a little more open and I've been able to deal with the death. It took me almost 10 months but I'm finally okay. I still don't discuss that with anyone but talking about other things has helped relieve pressure there and allowed me to deal with the things I need to deal with instead of having everything build up inside. I'd feel better if I could see a couple people I haven't seen for a long time that have always been really helpful but I haven't had a chance yet. Two good friends from work have been helping me out though. They've been great.
Other than the fact I'm not quite losing my mind anymore, things are pretty great. Its going great at both jobs and my business. I can't wait until our next photography event. I love shooting wedding pictures. They are so fun! Its going great at BL and other than the occasional shitty customer I still love going to work. My business is growing...slowly but its better than nothing. In August I'm going to Florida with a few friends and I can't wait to expand my business down there! I know...its Florida and we will be on the beach and I should enjoy a vacation but I can't pass up an opportunity to try to expand while I'm in a great city. That would make me stupid. Lets just hope I can get my meetings out of the way before all the crazy sunburn lines I'm sure I will get. haha.
I'm happy. I'm very happy. I still have the issues with the shitty support system and my father being an ass but I'm happy. I wish I could help some friends but sadly the ones I want to help most are the ones with problems I can't fix. I think thats why I want so badly to help them. I'll find a way someday. But as for now its time to catch up on a little sleep and then get ready for another exciting day at BL. Working 4-10 tomorrow...not my favorite shift but its a blessing to have a job.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
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