All My Complaints Shrink to Nothing

Yesterday I finally got some answers. That was exciting. Well kind of...it was also slightly disturbing I guess. My neurologist, Dr. R, told me I have brain damage. That's fun. The damage was caused by viral encephalitis which I had when I was 1. It should have killed me or left me mentally handicapped for the rest of my life but thankfully I've been just fine with the exception of whats going on now so I consider myself very lucky. Even though Dr. R is positive that's what it is I have to do a couple more tests to make sure before he starts me on medication. I have another EEG in about two weeks to check my brain activity while I'm sleeping. I also have to get an MRI Monday so he can see how big the damaged area is.

This was the first time I met Dr. R. We discussed my previous tests and he said I didn't have much to worry about. After we do these tests I have to start taking medicine for seizures. I'm not having seizures, but he said a small dose of it will fix my problem. I'm still nervous and kind of unsure about it all but I believe this neurologist will get it figured out and it will all end soon. I guess just the thought of having brain damage and not knowing how large the area is bothers me. I mean obviously I can function normal but I'm just curious. It is nice to finally have some kind of answer but...I don't really know how to fully describe what I think about it all. Oh well...I guess we'll just see what happens and if my doctor is right.

I'm ashamed of all my somethings.

I'm Scared of What You'll Say

Well I'm back from Florida. I had a great time but got a pretty good sunburn on my last day there. It hurts but it was worth it. We spent most of our time shopping in the little beach stores and enjoying the beautiful weather on the beach. We did get to enjoy a nice little tropical storm that took out our power for awhile but it was late at night/early morning so it didn't interrupt our day. But for the most part we had a pretty good time.

I had a few issues down there with my arm and head. One time was really bad and kind of scary. I see my new neurologist Thursday. I'm curious to see what he will want to do next.

I should have more to say about my trip but right now I don't. I'm starting to get one of my headaches which isn't good. It kind of hit me out of nowhere. I'm going to go lay down and maybe tomorrow I will actually give details on what we did on the trip.

And so I'm hiding what I'm feeling
But I'm tired of holding this inside my head

You Comepletely Know the Power That You Have

Ok so I should be sleeping but I'm not. I wanted to do a quick update before I leave for Florida.

We finally got the EEG back on Wednesday. It came back normal. I'm disappointed. I mean its great news because that means its not seizures and I can still drive, but its just frustrating. I just want them to figure it out and be done. On the 27th I meet my new neurologist. I hope I like him and he knows his stuff so we can get this show on the road. Though I am still concerned about it I'm going to try to relax this week on my vacation. I'd prefer not to worry or even think about it much while I'm burning in the beautiful Florida sun. (That makes it sound like that state has a different sun than us...but I guess you know what I mean.)

I have to be up in about 4 and a half hours and here I am. haha. I'm stoked and have too much energy to sleep. Plus I have been closing a lot at work so my sleep schedule is on thirds shift which is not much fun. I'm driving my sister R's SUV down. I've already decided she won't be getting it back. haha I love it. I'm all about SUVs. She has an '05 (I think) Trail Blazer. She can pry the keys from my cold, dead fingers. lol. But I guess I should get going. I need to check everything again to make sure I'm all set and then try to fall asleep asap which won't happen. I'll be sure to post when I get back and maybe even put up a few pictures of my burnt self. =)

The only one that makes me laugh.
Sad and it’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact that
I love you beyond the reason why and it just ain’t right

Why Am I So Curious?

I love my friends. I don't know where I'd be right now without them. All my friends have been great but Te and D get me out of bed every day. With the stress of everything thats going on and some other things I just don't want to get out of bed sometimes. I want to just lay in the dark and be alone but then I get some random text that they just stepped in dog crap or tripped over a shadow and have to laugh. They've also been great about watching over me. I've lost a little weight recently because I haven't been eating. I'm not really sick...I just don't want to. I've been like this for about 2 weeks. I only eat because I know I should but I can hardly choke food down. Its hard to tell myself to eat of I'm not hungry because usually that would be bad but if I haven't ate for a day and a half I know I need something. But Te and D have been taking care of me and making sure I eat at least a little something if I'm working. I love those girls.

I'm waiting on my test results from my EEG. I'm really hoping they call Monday. They said it would take about a week and that would be a week exactly so I'm going to be staring at my phone all day. But for now I will just try to keep busy and let the days past as fast as they can.

I only have to work 5 more days and then I will be getting sunburns on the lovely beaches of Florida! I'm stoked...I need this vacation bad. Its going to be amazing. Hell yes. Sleep is also amazing and I think I need to go refresh my memory on what that is right now.

This territory is dangerous. I'll probably end up back at start. I'll be back in line with my broken heart.