The More I Traveled

So I lied. lol. What a great start to a blog. Anyway, in my last post I said that I would explain more about the business I have joined but I decided not to. I don't really care to explain it for everyone because I really only care to inform the people I wish to have join my team. There's no point in me wasting my time explaining it to everyone. However, if I decide that I would enjoy informing you about it, expect an email from me. :)

The good news is I did name my part finally haha. I was given a few different options and the choice to make it as original as I wanted but I didn't want to make it crazy or anything. I, your lovely neighborhood ginger, am the owner of Coleman Business Group. I was going to use my last name no matter what I just had to pick an ending. Since your team of other independent business owners help you with your own things I decided on business group. There is no I in team right? At least not in the English language.

I'm very excited to start this. Mostly because it is almost summer and I can really focus on it without having to worry about taking away from school. Plus in May there will be a new kit for me to buy to help get me going.

By the way today was great. Work was dead. Te was already at work when I got there and we got off at the same time so of course we had a party like all day. Minus a couple times we were about to smack someone. :) Well I have a lot to do so I guess I should be heading out.

The more I realized that fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.

I Find it Hard to Tell You

I haven't posted for a few days. I've been pretty busy with things I guess. But last weekend was nice it went kind of fast and slow idk it was weird. Either way it was pretty great.

My birthday was ok. My car broke down so me and AB ended up just sitting in it talking for 2 hours waiting for someone to come help us. lol. Then I went to CH's which was fun. We spent most of the time I was there just sitting outside talking. There are just certain people I need to be around more often (like her) because they are so positive (and amazing) but I don't get to see them much. :(

I finally got to talk to S about the service desk situation. She said she would let me off whenever I needed for photography events. The days I'll be asking off go against like every rule at the service desk about what days you can't have off but since S likes me I guess she doesn't care. I'm sure other people will end up getting pissed off that the rules aren't as strict for me but its been like that for awhile.

I could make an attempt to explain this thing I have started but its harder to word it right typing than just speaking. I don't know if that makes any sense but I guess I just think better if I'm actually talking out loud. I'm dumb don't judge me. But basically I have joined a business team. It will open up a lot of great opportunities and I'm very excited. Nikki, Fonzo, Marlon, Maurice, and some people at BL are a part of it. (it has nothing to do with BL or Nikki's photography business. There are also a lot of others on the local team and millions involved in it across the US) In my next post I will try to explain more about it. But its a great business and its growing even with the bad economy so that's always a good sign. But I am now the owner of my own branch which I haven't named. haha I should probably do that like today. I've even bought my business license. Scary isn't it?

I find it hard to take
when people run in circles its a very very mad world

I Miss the Sound of Your Voice

Yesterday did not go as planned. When I got to work S was gone so I didn't get to talk to her. I also won't see her today. My next chance is tomorrow so I guess that's when I'll have to do it. Work was pretty slow yesterday though which means it was a lot of fun. :) I do enjoy getting paid to talk and laugh.

Today did not start out so great. I drove all the way to USI to realize I had forgotten my computer. Then after debating if I should run home and get it I realized it didn't matter because I had left my backpack and all my books at home too. On the way to school I had been excited because I wouldn't have to stop and get gas on the way to work which I usually need to do on Friday's (which sucks because I get out of class at 3 and have work at 4 and have to get across town through all the traffic and...yeah its not fun. I hate Fridays) However, today because I forgot my stuff and had to drive back home I will have to stop and get gas. Awesome. As I was driving through the parking lot about to head home I almost ran over the head of the Social Work department at the school. Good thing he knows me and is also one of my advisers. Yay. I waved. He didn't. I'm sure getting almost ran down wasn't something he was looking forward to. My bad.

I asked to work early tomorrow so I could still have some hours but get the night off for my birthday. I was excited that D, as always, accepted it and I get off at 2. I'm really looking forward to having a nice party with CH and her sister's and some other people. I usually work 1030-5 at the service desk on Sundays so I wasn't worried. I thought since D knows me and can probably guess what my plans are she wouldn't schedule anything crazy for me on Sunday. SURPRISE! I have to be at work at 730 to work u-scans! Te just sent me a text a little bit ago and told me. Its just another awesome piece of information to brighten my lovely Friday. I'm not exactly thrilled to be going in so early and I'm pretty sure D is doing this for the pure entertainment of seeing me drag in Sunday morning looking like a damn mess. It will be a rough morning, but I'm sure it will be worth it since I will be at CH's place. I guess we will see how it goes. Its hard enough getting there for that shift when I haven't been up all night so I'm worried. haha.

I need to do homework...I guess. haha. If I don't do it now it will never happen. Of course I'd prefer it to never happen but that's not what I should do. Sigh...

The loudest thing in my head
and I ache to remember
all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.

It Only Takes a Fateful Moment

I don't have much to say really but I'm bored so here I am. I don't go to work until 12. Hopefully today will be fun. I plan on talking to S today and telling her I'm no longer working up at the service desk. I was going to Tuesday but I screwed something up. It was really funny because as I was opening my mouth to to tell her she spoke first and told me I screwed up a check and I snapped my mouth shut. haha. She said she can fix it though (I swear she can fix everything we do wrong and keep us from getting in trouble its amazing) but since she would be doing me that favor I thought the talk could wait. Today, even if somethign does go wrong, we are having our little talk.

I don't know what I would do without my dear friend CH. I just love that kid. I fell apart the other day so her and one of her sister's told me to go to their house. I sat over there for a few hours and we talked for about two minutes and they comforted me and then we just hung out. I think because I've known her for so long and she's seen me at my best and my worst I know she won't judge me at the times between so I feel really comfortable around her (and her family). Just sitting at their house not really doing anything just made me feel better. They are very supportive of every thing I do, unlike some people, and always watch out for me. Of course I love spending time with her (and her fam) but I always forget how much better I feel after seeing them. They are so positive and really help a lot...even if they don't know it.

I need to start working on my hair...due to the ridiculous amount of it, it takes awhile to get it all under control. I'm so nervous S will be mad about our talk...I guess we will see!

To become the one you thank.

The Clock is Ticking and I'll Be Giving My Two Weeks

Well I'm not sure what to do with myself. Now that I work at the service desk I can't get off on the days I need. I have weddings to take pictures at and other things and now I'm not allowed to request off. D will let me off for anything I need any time no questions asked. All I need is to warn her a week in advance and I'm good. But D doesn't do the service desk schedule so I don't have that freedom. Now I'm kind of butting heads with S, the service desk and office supervisor, because she won't work with me on this. I don't want to quit the service desk, I do like working up there...but if we can't agree on something that works for both of us I will. S doesn't have a problem with me, she likes me and we usually get along fine and I don't want to make her mad but this is bullshit. I work for my sister too and she signs contracts for weddings saying she will have another photographer with her (not at all of them but most) and you DO NOT screw with some one's wedding. I'm not allowed holidays off but we have a wedding July 4th...I'd like to see S try to tell me I have work that day. It will be the only no call no show I'll ever do (they wouldn't fire me over it anyway) I agreed to that wedding and others before being put up there. I don't care that I'd be knocking myself back down. I said I would work at those weddings and that's that. If taking a step back makes it easier for me to be able to do both jobs then fine. Its not like I'm being loaded down with too many hours at BL, I just need certain days off and if they can't handle that I'll go back to working with a manager that can. It sucks but oh well. I do like working with D so I won't mind moving back up front if I have to.

I had to miss Easter with the family. This was because I can't request holidays off now because of S and had to work 1030 to 5. I don't mind working on a holiday, but damn they could have given me some better hours so I could have at least seen some of my family. I totally had a breakdown moment at work yesterday. Since I don't talk about my gmas death sometimes something sparks a memory and it just hits me. I had to excuse myself calmly and then ran to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes while I fell apart so no one would know. Te is the only one who knew because I thought I owed an explanation on why I ran off and left her. I really need to figure out a way to deal with this. No one knows how I am right now. I mean people who read this know it bothers me but I can't explain how much I'm screwing myself up right now in my head. Its not just her death. Its hers, my friend's, other family, my own personal screw ups in life, and family situation right now. Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean its okay. I'm not okay. And this is the only time I'll ever admit it.

I can't wait to go to sleep tonight. I'm honestly thinking about knocking out now and its only 720. I had a long weekend. I guess we'll see how long I can last.

Pick your favorite shade of black, you best prepare a speech.
Say something funny, say something sweet
But don't say that you loved me.

And I Find it Kind of Funny, I Find it Kind of Sad

Well yesterday I had to scare my math professor. I didn't want to do it but she made me. Monday I didn't go to class because...well I just didn't. lol. Monday evening I was emailed by Prof R and the administration offices saying I was being taken out of the class for missing 4 days. They told me I had 24 hours to figure something out. I have not missed 4 days of that class so of course my ginger self became furious in about 4 seconds. Tuesday I worked from 9-430 so I didn't have a chance to talk to anyone. A little before class started yesterday I hunted my prof down. We had a nice little chat about how she was going to fix it. I'm usually very respectful to teachers and I never cause problems in class, but she got to see the other side of me. She almost got me taken out of the class and then I wouldn't be a full time student and all my crap would have been screwed up. Just because I'm usually nice to teachers doesn't mean I won't come unglued on one if I need to. So we may have shared some words and she probably thinks I'm an asshole now but she fixed her mistake and I get to stay in the class. I don't really care what she thinks, school will be over before too long.

Nothing really exciting is going on in my life.
Te got a promotion so that's awesome. I was really excited when she told me.
I realized I'm a loser. lol. I don't have plans for my birthday and I don't think I'm going to make any and its on a Saturday. I plan on working in the morning but after that I really don't think I'm going to do anything. Idk.
Today there was some crazy things going on at work that I won't discuss here. But basically it was intense and I was like whoa. haha. That sums most of it up.
I broke my glasses. For the third time. They are still in one piece but they are really only being held together with hope. lol. I can't wait for my new ones to come in. They should be here any day. Its sad that I'm so excited about glasses, but I am.

By the way, I miss people. And I don't know what the hell I'm doing with anything. I'm so lost and in my own little box. I'm dumb.

Well I think its time to go to bed. Or maybe read. Or maybe read until I fall asleep. The possibilities are endless really...

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

Here We Go Again With All the Things We Did

This weekend sucked bad. Just because of work. Today wasn't as bad. I was extremely busy taking care of stuff though. Our manager was busy running a register as a cashier most of the day because we were so busy so I was left to deal with all the calls and angry customers. I was also sent running everywhere. I had to chase kids down outside the store, run/fix the self checkouts (twice) be a cashier for a bit, fix something at the fuel center, and then do my regular work I had to get done at the service desk. AH! But Te and D were there for part of my shift so that was nice. But overall it kind of sucked because I had to do other people's jobs and barely got my own stuff done.

Saturday...oh my. We were crazy busy then our system shut down. We could only except cash. We couldn't take credit, debit, EBT, WIC, checks, or tax exempt forms. Oh. My. Gosh. It was kind of nice because a lot of people left (a lot of people in that area use EBT) but then we had carts full of items just left everywhere in the store. The entire front of our store was double lined with carts full of things that needed to find their way back to the shelves. Not fun. We had to keep announcing over the store that our system was down. Some people didn't pay attention though and they would come up to the front with full carts paying with something other than cash and then go off. I honestly thought one lady was going to hit me. They had so much stuff but I know it had been announced since she had been in the store so it wasn't my fault. (Of course I didn't break our computers either so it wasn't my fault any way) Not a fun night.

Friday went better than I thought it would. Kind of. I did fine running the service desk on my own even though I was freaking out. Some customers still pissed me off but why don't we try to find a day when they don't. Its not going to happen. It was pretty busy and people have a problem waiting. I don't understand why grown people can't form a line and understand that I can only help one person at a time. That just makes me angry and I work slower because I'm thinking of all the things I'd love to shout back at the people yelling at me.

Friday night is the only thing that saved my weekend. Miss CH came to the rescue. As always. After work I went out to her house. I got there at about 930 and left after 2 in the morning. I was really tired and would have enjoyed getting to be earlier but I just love that kid. I can't help it. She just has a way of cheering me up. We decided every Friday is now our relaxing day. It will be the best end to every week and perfect start to every weekend.

And now I'm wondering just who I would have been...

In My Opinion Seeing is to Know

I'm can't decide if I am looking forward to tomorrow or not. I'm pretty sure I'm not. I have a test in one of my classes that I haven't studied for yet. But when we were reviewing for it yesterday I knew most of the things he was talking about so even though I haven't read any of the 3 chapters I guess something soaked into my head during the lectures. The rest of my classes shouldn't be bad though so I guess that's nice.

After I'm done with those I have to work 4-8. I'm kind of happy about that. I still get some hours but I don't have to stay late. I usually work until at least 10 on Fridays. BUT (and that's a very large but) its at the service desk. Boo. I'd rather be at the service desk than my register some days but not a Friday. It will be really busy (extra busy this week because of a big sale) I've had hardly any training and I will be left to deal with people alone. I'm so nervous. One of the main things we get on Fridays are payroll checks (of course) and it just so happens I have no idea how to do those. Wonderful. They really should have moved me to the service desk before I became more outspoken there. I used to let customers go off and just stand there and take it and be passive with people that worked there if they were being shady. Well now that I've been there for awhile I've lost that and say exactly what I'm thinking. So let's see what happens tomorrow when they get a customer going off on me because I don't know how to do something yet because they never train people enough. I won't go off on the customer. I'll save it for whoever is working in the office. Oh will they ever hear from me if we get a customer attempting to get in my face. (I say attempt because there is the glass that separates us. That glass is going to save lives tomorrow)

Even though that is going to be the worst four hours at BL ever I'm still kind of happy I got that shift. Since I get off at 8 I get to go out with some friends. Yay. I'm really excited to see them. Its not like I hide under a rock all the time but some friends I just don't get to see often. I'm pretty sure I haven't seen one of them since like the first week of January at a party she had. Its sad. lol. So anyways that's really the only good thing happening tomorrow. But its a pretty big plus to my day. CH makes everything better. True story.

The things we hold are always first to go.