Good Deeds

Well she's done it again. My mother. She has this odd obsession with Christmas. I mean super obsession...mostly just decorating for it. Its like her favorite thing. Every year she buys toys and donates them to families who don't have money for presents because she can't stand the thought of a kid having no gifts to open. This year she is doing some extra good business. My grandmother, her mom, who passed away was a smoker. Smoked everyday since she was 15. She never had any lung problems (which still amazes all of us...) however, she did have bad heart problems.

This year, in memory of her, my mom called the America Heart Association and set up a contest. Of course it involves Christmas! lol. Companies in Evansville (and maybe Henderson) will pay a small fee to enter and then each company has to decorate a Christmas tree. I'm not completely sure how voting goes. I can't remember if customers give a cash donation and then the company with the most donations wins or if they select a judge who goes and looks at all the trees. But either way each company decorates a tree and can dedicate it to a lost family member or someone who is struggling with a heart condition. All the proceeds go to the American Heart Association. Yeah...my mom does good things. lol

Well I just felt the need to share that because...I have nothing better to talk about. lol. I need to go lay down. My back is all screwed up again and I'm walking like I'm 90 years old. And still refusing to take medicine or do anything about it...sooo not stubborn.

Don't Wish...Don't Start

Wishing only wounds the heart.

^That has nothing to do with this blog. But I love that. Its in a song...and its the only reason I listen to the song. lol

Anyway I believe I have confused some people recently by hanging out with a certain person. Let me clear it up. The last thing most people heard about from me was that me and this person (uhhh lets call her R. and no that's not the first letter of her name) were not talking anymore because we had issues getting along and I was about to choke her. R was my best friend but then totally turned on me because she was having a hard time in her life and decided to lash out on me. She had been treating me like shit, a popular trend among some of my friends, and we got in a huge fight and we didn't talk for the better part of a year. However, a couple months ago she apologized and admitted that she had been immature and had been a bitch to me because people were giving her shit and she was just depressed. I knew all along that R hadn't really meant to be so shady but I don't care. The only reason someone gets to be crappy to me is if I have been shady to them. That's it. If they have a different reason they can find someone else to deal with their bullshit because I won't. But anyway R apologized and said she felt terrible. That's all I wanted. I didn't care if she apologized as long as she admitted that she knew she had treated me like crap, which she had refused to do before. Since she admitted that I started talking to her more again.

Everyone needs to understand that even though we didn't talk for a long time I still would have been there for her. I knew she was depressed and I wouldn't have just left her completely alone. I stayed in contact with one of her friends to make sure she was okay. Of course if R hadn't been depressed I would have been like screw her and we most likely wouldn't be talking now either. lol. But she was my best friend and I was constantly worried about her because she's very unstable, so despite the bs she threw my way, I couldn't just not care. I'm like that with most friends. Not all. But most. They may not like me very much or talk to me and some may hate me but if they ever really needed something I'd help them out. (I can see why some would call me a bad friend...)

But yes and and R have been talking a lot and hanging out, we even went out Wednesday just the two of us, which never happens. It was nice and I hate that we don't get to see each other more often. Anyway I know I confused a lot of people when they found out we were hanging out. That should clear it up. She was mature and took full blame and because I care too much about some people we started talking again. lol. I can't help it. There are some people that can be shady some times and really piss me off but they are still good friends and I'd like to keep them around. Idk maybe I'm crazy...but some friends are just worth the effort.

Then again some friends don't take effort and those are great too. And some friends need to work on their tag...MEGS! lol

Close Call

Well my nephew had his little newborn tests done and some came back abnormal. They said he had a good chance of having cystic fibrosis. He was tested for it yesterday morning and the doctor said it would take about two days to get the results back. But of course this week is Thanksgiving so we were hoping we'd know by Friday but figured it would be Monday at the earliest. My sis and her husband were upset but not too upset because they didn't know for sure yet and didn't want to worry if there wasn't really a problem.

Our family doctor, being the amazing person he is, made them rush the results back and we found out yesterday about 6 hours after he had the test. It turns out Bryce is just a carrier of CF. Talk about relief! He'll never have any of the symptoms of CF. However, it does suck that he is a carrier because later in his life if he has kids there is the chance they could have CF. But that is a long time away and all we care about for the time being is his health. :)

Our family doctor, Dr. C, is great. I love him. He has been my mom's doctor since she was 18 and then since we are her kids he became our doctor, and now he is Bryce's. He won platinum for best family doctor this past year. (he only got gold the two years before that) He's super sweet and just amazing. When N had some issues during her pregnancy she had to go to the ER 4 times and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. When Dr. C got the report from all the ER visits he called N asked her a few questions, diagnosed her illness, and got her meds. And he was right, she was better in like 3 days. Everyone at his office is great with the exception of the receptionist. She needs to learn how to smile. lol. But all the other people are nice. Just a couple years ago a new doctor joined him and she is just about too great. We only call her by her first name...no doctor whatever. I actually have no idea what her last name even is. lol. She's really young and very smart. She is basically the female version of Dr. C...except he's old. She'll be taking over the office after he leaves. They make the most kick ass team.

Well I need to go do something productive...dangit.

Wicked

I always think its funny when people dress up as characters and go to midnight showings of movies and pee their pants just because they love the movie so much. However, I will be eating my words before too long because I am so doing that! lol

I can't help it! My favorite musical ever, Wicked, is being made into a movie. Me and one of my friends have already decided that we will be at the midnight showing and we are SO painting ourselves green! lol. I'm going to feel like such a retard but I honestly don't even care. I can't explain how tickled I am about this movie. Sadly though it won't be coming out for a couple years. (yes a couple years and we already have plans for it lol) I would pretty much die if Idina Menzel played Elphaba. She is my favorite broadway singer. Some say she is too old now to play Elphaba, but she's not old at all. The characters are supposed to be youngerish but I don't care and I bet most Wicked fans wouldn't care either. Her voice is too amazing and its just not the same without her singing it. She played the original Elphaba in the New York cast when Wicked first hit the stage. She's also the one who is recorded on the soundtrack. I listen to it all the time, lol. Been to see the musical live in Chicago and it was amazing. Have the book. And the sequel. Thinking about buying another version of the book just because it has green pages. Seriously.

I would take the time to explain what Wicked is about but if you know me, you already know. lol.

I laugh because people are way too obsessed about Twilight right now but I can't really make fun of them because I'm way more obsessed about Wicked. Next year it will be on tour and they are stopping by Indy. I'd like to see someone try to stop me from going. lol. It probably won't be as great as the Chicago cast (which was the best cast of Wicked at the time I saw it. Reviews informed me of this. lol. The best cast ever was the original New York though. And I would pee myself if I ever saw the full original cast perform even one song live) but anyway I don't care if they suck or not because its Wicked.

Yeah I love musicals. Like a lot. I still need to see RENT performed live....but again Idina played a character in that movie (and the one in the original boradway show...and is on the soundtrack) and without her it wouldn't be the same, but I don't care because it would still be pretty awesome. I could keep going on about musicals and about how I need to calm down about a damn movie but I think I'll stop here. I have some more obsessing to do until I find out who the cast is. And if thats not posted yet (and it won't be) I guess I'll have to go watch Wizard of Oz again or listen to the soundtrack. haha.

Patricia Has Her Thinking Cap On...

I think, I'm not sure, but I think I'm mostly out of my depression. I'm usually in a better mood than I have been. However, while I may be happier and seem less depressed, there are still serious issues I need to work out in my head. I'm not crazy. I just mean there are issues in my life I need to figure out because I'm wicked confused. To this point, someone has been pulling me out of my depression. They don't know it, at least I don't think they do, but they have been. Nothing in my head has changed. I think the same way I have since I first started being depressed, but this person is strong and taught me not to hide behind a fake smile but truly learn how to smile again. I won't lie, that's a super retarded thing to say but idk how to put it. They have honestly changed my life and saved me. They haven't done anything insanely fabulous. I'm not saying they are the most amazing person in the world (because lets face it, that title belongs to me. lol jk) but they have been a better friend than anyone else. That's all. They are a good friend. They do things a friend should do for someone and they don't act like its an obligation. I have a lot of friends, I really do, and I do things for them all the time, but no one, other than this person, actually treated me like one in return. That's all I freaking needed. One friend to actually not put me down at least once and to give helpful advice and not try to joke around with me.

OH here's a quick vent! Get prepared! I know I joke around a lot. Yeah I got that memo a long time ago. But the next time I try to talk to someone about a problem and they turn it into a joke, or try to make any attempt to crack a joke,

I'm. Going. To. Punch. Them. In. The. Fucking. Face.

I hope I made that clear enough. I know some people joke around to try to cheer people up. I know that if its something minor like if I break my windshield (again!) a joke is good. But there were times when I tried to talk to people about losing my gma when I was really upset and they tried to find a joke to crack. Not about her or her death just a joke in general. First of all you are seriously fucked up in your head, and second, do not, DO NOT, joke around about serious shit with me. Especially when I'm talking about losing a family member I was extremely close to. Because now I have fucking issues because people couldn't just let me talk to them about that. Its bottled up inside and I'm probably going to end up in a damn crazy house because someone felt the need to crack a joke.

Ok I'm done venting and made myself cry so that's just wonderful. But the person I mentioned earlier never did that. They were actually a friend. Surprise, surprise! It helped not being put down by someone.

Anyway, the last part of getting out of this depression is on me to take care of. I have to change the way I really think about some things and escape some toxic friendships with people who have pulled me down, which I plan on doing over the course of the next few months. I guess we will just have to see what happens...

Ricochet

Hello again. Its been a few days since my last post. Nothing too exciting going on here...oh wait yes there is! lol

My little nephew has arrived the cute little fella! Bryce Aaron. And of course...his aunt was right in her predictions, he is adorable! lol. I'm not going to put any pictures up on here. They are on my myspace and facebook so that will have to be good enough. But basically he is just too darn cute. Since he is mixed I'm anxious to see the color his skin will be. Right now he is still pretty light skinned but its slowly getting darker. I think that's so weird. lol. There were some issues during the whole birthing process that didn't go quite so well but I don't feel the need to discuss that on here. But they are both doing better now. I think Bryce is still dealing with some affects of it but he should be fine.

I'm so damn tickled with myself about what I did today that I must share it on here! I had a research paper for history class due today. It was assigned two weeks ago. I forgot about it until last Wednesday. Then with all the craziness surrounding Bryce I totally forgot. Thursday went to being at the hospital all day waiting for the little guy. Friday was one class then work for the rest of the day. Saturday was almost completely devoured by the hospital (not that I minded spending it with my sis and nephew) however later that night on my way home I was invited to a party where some of my good friends were at. Like I can turn that offer down! I hadn't been able to hang out with some of them lately so I had to go. Well after about two hours I realized that paper was due Monday and wanted to just vomit because I got so nervous about getting it done. I left the party at 3 Sunday morning then went to work at 10 and stayed there all day. So I got no paper time then either and stressed about it all day.

For some reason though I suddenly just stopped worrying. I did all the research and wrote the paper today in about 3 and a half to 4 hours. Did I mention I'm amazing? lol. Usually I have trouble trying to start a paper and the intro takes me like FOREVER but I wrote this one in like three minutes and it was like awesome. I was like where the hell was this skill in high school? Don't get me wrong I've always been able to bullshit an A paper like its my job but it usually takes me awhile to get to thinking. So basically...I couldn't believe I got it all done. I know I do work good and fast under pressure but I have never in my life thought about attempting something like that. And I won't again. Last year when I was working on my research paper I got so stressed out one night I had a wicked nosebleed for like half an hour. (it also happened one time while furiously working on a Rubik's cube that was being a bitch and didn't want to line up the right gd squares. whore) I was worried that would happen this time too, but it didn't. Yay. However, things should be more laid back now for me and I've been in a better mood lately for...well reasons.

Lets hope things keep going down this path so I can continue being my chipper self.

Waiting Is The Hardest Part

I'm so excited I can't even show it. lol.

So back in February we found out my sisters due date was the 17th of this month. I told my sister like months ago that she would have the baby on the 11th (today) so I've been hoping all day I'd be right. lol. Sadly I was wrong (damn) but she did have a doctors appointment today to check up. She found out that she will actually be induced late Wednesday night and then BAM! lol Thursday we will have a new little addition to the family! So basically I was closer to guessing the due date than her doc. Yeah that's right...I'm awesome. I can't freaking wait! Too bad I have to work Thursday. I might call in. I mean I'm not to usually call in but I think I have a good enough excuse to say screw work for that day. I was only going to be at work for like 3 and a half hours anyway (what the hell is that about?) so its not much of a loss and won't hurt the paycheck much.

I'm so damn tickled. I can't wait to see my nephew. He is going to look more like his dad. In the first ultrasound picture we saw of him, he looked like F in 2 or 3 of his 2D pictures. 2D! lol. It was funny but kind of crazy. Because if you've ever seen them its one hard to tell what the hell you are looking at, and two hard to really see features that well on their face. However they got a picture of him at an angle that was EXACTLY the same angle as one of F's pictures from when he was a little kid, and it looked just like a copy! The good news about that is that F was a cute baby (and so was my sis) so their kid should be pretty freaking adorable. :)

AH I can't wait!

I Feel Better When I Hear Them Say...

that everything will be wonderful someday.

I can't freaking decide what kind of mood I'm in. That's so frustrating. I had a good day and I'm in a good mood, but I'm also super pissed off about something. You know what that means...its another venting post! lol

I'm very, very angry about something that doesn't need to be mentioned on here. I'm not at all sad about my recent decision on something, which kind of makes me wonder if I really am a heartless bitch. I think I should be sad, but I'm just not. I feel a strange relief instead and I've been in a better mood for the most part. Unfortunately my current happiness has been accompanied by some anger. I won't go into it right now. I'm not too happy about the situation though and I'm disappointed in this person and their recent actions.

(By the way if you are reading this for some random reason and have no idea what I'm talking about, feel free to ask. But this post is really meant for the people who actually know whats going on. Anyway...)

I refuse to let myself feel bad about my decision. I kind of feel like I should, but I'm going to try to not let it happen. My choice has made me happier and that's what really matters to me. Three people have helped me reach my decision about not feeling bad. They are true friends and support me. They help me hold on to every shred of hope I have that things will improve simply by making me smile every day instead of putting me down.

They tell me everything will be better one day. I believe them because they haven't been wrong yet.

Still Smiling

That's right I'm still cheesin over here. lol. Though I may be dealing with dumb things it has yet to really bring me down. Still smiling.

Yesterday wasn't the greatest. It started off kickass. I was in a great mood. Like...I was so happy it was crazy. From 9 to about 1 I never stopped smiling. Then some people pissed me off and I was angry for awhile. However, I was so angry that I started laughing hysterically as I do sometimes so I was still smiling anyway. I didn't want to go to work. Just because I was in a bad mood and didn't feel like talking to anyone. But for some reason it actually cheered me up. One lady who came through my line near the start of my shift said something that made me smile and it just stayed there. I wish I could remember what that was...lol. But after that I was again in a great mood. I was still pissed about other things but it never really got to me enough to affect my day.

I guess it was really just a matter of the good things finally outweighing the bad. I hope to keep it this way. But now that I know who to avoid and who to talk to more I don't think it will be hard. I can't believe I'm dealing with this immature crap. Honestly that's what annoys me...I don't care that people are being pissy, fine go ahead, but to be so damn immature about it. That's whats annoying. Its all good though. I know people who aren't that way and will hopefully be able to talk to them more now.

I'm in a pretty grand mood again today. I was off today...but then one of my managers asked if I'd pick up a 12-7 shift. I really didn't want to but I could always use extra money. Well I need to start getting ready for that I guess...I'm off to continue enjoying my day. :)

On We Go...

Hello hello. I am back again today! Like I can just do one tiny post, yeah right! So anyway today...was a good day.

I'm in the most fabulous mood. I really am. I don't even want to go to sleep because I want to enjoy this as long as I can. I did have to deal with the usual pissy people but to hell with them! I'm not letting them drag me down anymore. Wednesdays always put me in a good mood, I never look forward to them but I am always in a great mood when I get home. Its because of my english class. LOVE IT.

So in history class the prof decided we would just talk about the election. Well that took a quick turn downhill because as it turned out 42 of the 48 people in there were for McCain while the other 6 of us were for Obama. So what was supposed to just be a nice class discussion turned into quite a heated argument. Only 4 of us out of the 6 actually spoke out against the others for McCain. I was one of the first people to jump out there and speak my mind then eventually I got the other three to help me. Amazingly enough the four of us were able to hold our ground pretty damn well against the rest of the class. Even the prof wasn't for Obama so he kept leading the discussion basically against him backing us into a corner with the rest of the class shouting their opinions at us. It really pissed me off. I was glad that we were able to have a heated and educated debate about the election but damn! There is no reason to be yelling at us. There is a big difference between expressing your opinion and being an ass about it. Calm down kids the election is over. The prof did admit that the four of us were making good points though. Eat that you damn History 102 McCainers! lol.

So after I was good and pissed off about that I headed to english class. Dr. W made my day! First she cleared up some recent concerns the class had about some online trouble we were having with a new program which took my stress level way down, then she decided that since we had 3 hours and the election was over we could talk about politics for a bit and she couldn't be blamed for trying to persuade us. She just so happens to be VERY liberal. I kind of wanted to hug her. lol. Just kidding. So, it turns out we are like the only liberals in there. Then just me and her had like a 20 minute conversation about it which made me a little less pissed off about history. Dr. W is really funny and soooo my favorite prof. lol. Not because she's a liberal, just because she is a really great prof and I just love her class.

I've been stressed out really bad about our online homework in that class because they are using a new site and we are basically the testers for it and it seems like nothing goes right. She said not to worry about any of that though and she'd take care of everything. Which is cool because before she got in there tonight about 5 of us were talking about how bad we just wanted to like cry because we couldn't get anything to work. lol. Tomorrow morning I have a conference with her which I am also very excited about. We should be able to clear up any remaining concerns and I will be all set! I'm so damn tickled about it getting everything fixed! lol. Oh my...she is too awesome and way too nice. There must be some kind of catch at the end of the semester...hmm.

Oh my...I'm in such a great mood. I take that back. I'm like...me tonight. I'm in my normal mood that I would usually be in if people would stop trying to drag me down. The mood I used to be in all the time. I want to be able to be like this more often. I will be like this more often. Warning! If you get in my way, I'm kicking ass! But I'll do it with a smile. :)

Can You Smell What Barack Is Cooking?

That's right! Barack won. And to be quite honest, I'm fairly tickled about it. lol. I'm a liberal and very excited about the future of the country now. 2009...end of an error.

To stay with the current track I'm on of politics lets talk about voting. If you are old enough to vote and you didn't vote yesterday and you are pissed off about the outcome, shut the hell up. You are given a chance to express your opinion and if you choose not to take advantage of that when given a chance then you forfeit the right to bitch about the outcome. If you did vote and are pissed about the outcome, feel free to bitch as much as you want. :)

That's all I have for now I'll post again later when I'm more bored.

What Time Is it?

Its time for some humor. Do you know why? Because no matter what is going on in your life you need to remember how to laugh. There are some people that aren't dealing with bad things in their life the right way. They are taking out their anger on others instead of working on fixing the problem. However, sometimes before you can figure out how to do it the right way, you need to remember to laugh. Its more important than you think.

I love fails. They crack me up and brighten my day. So I'll share some with you.

I love this sign. I think they could have thought of a better way to word that than 'we cut children' but thats just me.

Obviously it hasn't improved very much...and if it has I'd hate to know what it was like before.

Sounds like a win to me.

I know that is kind of small but it was the best I could get it. If you cant see it just ask me. Anyway, this one I actually didn't find funny. I found it so far past hilarious I didn't even laugh. I barely even smiled. I'm embarrased for this person.

I can't decide if I think thats clever...or one of the dumbest ideas I've ever seen.

lol. child predator hands. Thats rich.


Finally! A company that doesn't do false advertisement!

Thats all for now...I'm off to do something more productive. Which probably won't happen and I'll end up doing something even less productive than this blog. Is that possible? We shall see!

You Can't Catch Me, I'm the Gingerbread (Wo)Man

This is where people give up. Places like this is where people give up on themselves. They just quit. They look around and realize that not only do they not know where they are, but they have no idea as to how they got there. So, they either give up completely or just stand in the same spot and bitch about their life. Well that doesn’t solve anything. Anyone can stay alive, but only the strong people keep living.

I know I may bitch a lot and I may sound like I’m going to just end things one day, but I won’t. I’m not weak. I’m not standing still. I am still pushing forward because while some people may put way too much energy into trying to hold me back, a couple people actually give me hope that there is something worth seeing at the end of the road I’m currently on. I trust them.

Though I do complain about people pissing me off and holding me back there is something that needs to be clarified there. It does make me a little more depressed each time. However, eventually after thinking about it a lot it starts turning into motivation. I have so much motivation right now to actually do something with my life that there is no way I’d just quit. I’m dead set on proving people wrong. Lol…dead set. That’s funny cause I’m talking about not killing myself but its dead…set…hell you get it. Anyway, I do still need those friends who do give me hope because before the other stuff turns to motivation I get really upset about it and it sucks. But I just really look forward to standing at the end and smiling because I became what people (excluding one person) said I’d never be able to be.

I hope anyone wanting to hold me back or that has any shitty comment or thought right now is good and stretched for some exercise. It’s a race, bitches. Except not really, because you’ll never catch me.

By the way this blog title cracked me up. Cause I'm a ginger...nicknamed Ginger. Plus the topic fit nicely. And only Megs gets the other joke hidden in the title...maybe. :)

I Know The Pieces Fit Cause I Watched Them Fall Away

I'm so depressed.

I don't know why.

I can go out with the friends, or those of them who are still decent, and have fun but its just like I feel so much pressure. I have NO idea where its from. Like right now. I had a nice, fun day. But I feel like I have so much pressure on me weighing me down. What the hell...

There are two people, TWO PEOPLE in my life who have never once made me feel bad. I'm talking like ever made me doubt myself, never made me feel stupid no matter what dumb thing I had just said or done, never judged me (at least to my face or to someone who later told me) and they've just never put any pressure on me. Everyone has thoughts on how I should improve this or that, except these two people. They actually don't want me to change anything, and if they do they are kind enough to keep it to themselves. Oddly enough, neither are family. They aren't people I currently call best friends either. Sounds like I should start reconsidering things doesn't it?

I don't know but for some reason I don't feel like putting their names or initials in here. I'm weird. Leave a comment if you feel the need to know, I don't care.