You're Too Tired

Well the nosebleeds have stopped. I think. I had two more wicked ones after the post but I think I'm ok now. I keep hearing this insanely loud, high pitched sound though. I have no idea what it is, I started hearing it a little while after the first of those crazy nosebleeds and I heard it after every one of them. Now I just hear it without the bleeding, which I guess is an upgrade. But oh my gosh...its so high pitched and I honestly can't describe how loud it is. The first one I had actually took me to my knees because it hurt so bad. It still hurts just as bad but I'm starting to get used to it, or as used to it as I can get. I'm really just amazed at how loud it is. I mean the high pitched part sucks but it gets so loud I can't hear other things going on around me that I'd be able to hear just fine before it started. Its not like if you're ears are ringing a little after listening to something loud...its like...the most insane pressure being put on my head from every direction. I hope it stops soon. This would honestly drive me crazy.

I'm not excited at all about work this next week. With the exception that I get New Years Eve and the first off (I hope someone keeps me out of trouble lol) its basically going to suck. I don't get to work at all with my good friend Te. I get along with everyone else I work with, they just aren't as much fun. lol. When customers are around almost everyone gets too serious and dull, except like 4 people. Me, Te, KD, and one of our night managers who is freaking hilarious. But that manager I don't see much cause she's usually busy, and if I get to see KD its for a whole hour or so. That basically leaves the fun level up to me and Te to take care of. lol. So basically this will be a really dull week, until Saturday. Next Saturday me and Te work 7 and a half hour shifts together. Watch out. lol.

Everyone has their fun moments at work, some of them just think we have to stop enjoying our day because a customer is there. I just don't understand why anyone would stop smiling just because someone walks up for help or something. Its possible to help them and do whatever you have to and still smile and even have a fun conversation with a customer, that is assuming its not one of our pissy ones. Some people forget how to smile. There is one person that works there who I've seen smile once since I worked there and I think it was fake. I know she has some kind of issue and hurts a lot, like joint problems or something, but try finding someone there who doesn't have something like that. I feel sorry for her, don't get me wrong, its just you have to find a way to let yourself be happy no matter what is going on. When you forget how to even fake a smile, something is wrong. I know she doesn't like me, because she doesn't like anyone, but I kind of want to give her a hug. lol. Sometimes you just need a hug. She needs a hug...maybe a vacation and some down time to have a little fun, I don't know but she needs something. I always smile at her and say hi when I see her because usually if you smile at someone or say hi they will smile back but she just glares at me. lol. I'm not going to give up though. She'll smile back one of these days, probably a fake one though in hopes that I'll stop. A for effort?

Well it looks like its time for me to get some reading in before I go to bed. I have to get up early again for work in the morning.

You're not too tired.

Little Bit Lightheaded...

Yes, its Christmas, and I'm writing a post. My life is in fact that sad.

So watch out for posts about my obsession over Wicked. I got tickets from my mom to go see Wicked on tour in a nearby city. I had planned on going to Indy this summer to see it, as I mentioned in another post, but now I guess I'll just have to see it on tour twice this year. Damn that luck of mine. lol. I could just save my money and not go this summer since I will get to see it in like a month BUT I've already started on plans and promised some people...its not like a Wicked overdose is possible for me anyway. Especially if its live. AH I can't wait to go. Woo.

So, on a not so happy note my nose is going crazy on me. I keep having INSANE nose bleeds. Its not because its just cold and whatever, I do get nosebleeds from that but usually once a year and then I'm fine. Its kind of freaking me out. They are happening in fairly regular intervals right now, I've been timing them and its never just a little bit of blood. Sorry if anyone finds this gross, just skip this paragraph lol. But I can't even describe how much blood I lose each time. Last night I was in my room when one started and I darted to the bathroom...it took over half a roll of toilet paper to take care of it all. One started when I sneezed, another when I was laughing, and another while I was just sitting around. And before anyone feels like cracking a joke, no I'm not using cocaine. lol. But I've had the ones just from like the air being dry and stuff and those aren't this bad, these are like intense ones. Seeing blood doesn't bother me at all but watching that much blood and tissue pour out of my nose and mouth isn't very fun. The first time didn't bother me but now that it keeps happening and its the same amount every time...I uh...really think it needs to stop. I don't know what it is but I hope it just stops today because I don't need to have nosebleeds like these at work tomorrow (I don't need/want them at work at all but it would be bad if one as bad as these hit me) I guess we'll see how I'm doing when its time for the next round...

Well I guess I'm going to go read. I'm kind of tired and I'd really enjoy going to bed early (which would be in about 2 or so hours) but I'm scared if I do I'll wake up with a bloody nose again. Dang it. But I don't have to go to work until 430 tomorrow so I can sleep in if I want. I say that as if it would really disrupt any other day, when I can only sleep in until 8. I could go to sleep at 7 45 and I swear I'd wake right back up at 8. No matter how hard I try I can't sleep in. Its a bunch of crap. lol. But on other days I'm up around 6 - 630ish so 8 is nice.

Oh shit I have to sneeze...

Idk My BFF AB? (ha)

Well I'm in a great mood. My surprise went perfect. lol. I love giving people things and seeing them smile. It just makes me feel all warm inside knowing I put a smile on their face. lol. So I'm bored and you get to hear about how the surprise went down. lol.

My best friend, who by the way I never get to see anymore, had a practice tonight so I decided to drop by at the end unannounced. We haven't seen each other for a long time and it sucks really bad. We talk a lot on the internet though so that's nice...at least there is some kind of communication going on. Last night she was telling me she was having a bad day and the past 5 months had been really hard and frustrating for her. I decided I should brighten it up a little. Its my job. I got off work at 7 tonight and decided to go ahead and go pick up her Christmas gift and deliver it to her early as a surprise. (we weren't going to be able to hang out until after Christmas) So I went to the mall and checked around a few stores. My search came to an end at Kay's Jewelers. I picked her out a beautiful diamond circle necklace that was white gold. Together, the necklace and the warranty cost me more than one pay check. Ouch! But I wanted to get her something nice and she's worth it anyway.

So when I got to the school they were having practice at, I waited outside for her in the ridiculous cold. lol. Damn locked doors. But after they were done and she saw me she can running and let me in and gave me a big hug. So I'm thinking well damn if that's all I had to do to make you happy I'm keeping this necklace. lol jk. But she was excited to see me and really excited that I brought her gift early. She liked it a lot so that like made my whole month. I've been thinking about getting that necklace, or one similar to it, for awhile and I've been worried she wouldn't like it. I was very relieved to see her smile when she saw it. I just love making people smile. And even though I could have really used that money for other things, seeing her smile and making her happy after she'd been kind of down makes me totally not care.

I just love making people happy. After Meg kicked us out of the school (lol) we sat in her car and talked for about 40 minutes. I made her snort and cry from laughing. lol It was fun. That used to be a daily thing for us. I'd speak and she'd be grabbing her stomach cause it would hurt from laughing. Then I'd start cracking up because of her insane snort. lol. Oh I won't lie...she can make me very angry sometimes, and she does things I don't understand and I know I do the same to her, but I love that kid. She really is a great friend. To some people not so much lol but to me she is. She keeps me in line. And ooooh do I need to have someone to do that. lol

All Over the Place

Well over the past week I was stabbed in the back by someone I knew better than to trust again. She did it right in front of me and just left me speechless. Its my own fault for not seeing that one coming.

Usually I would have lost my temper and even though we were around a bunch of friends I would have went off on her. However, instead I smiled and ignored it for the time being, and my other friends were looking at me like 'why aren't you doing anything?' But I took care of it the next day when it was just me and the girl who I won't name. lol. Much to my surprise I didn't lose my temper but I did get a true apology out of her. I won't explain the situation but I shouldn't have dropped it there. After she said sorry and all I just said ok lets forget it. Trust me, if she would have done this to another girl they would have flipped out on her. This is the only time anyone has ever been lucky for backstabbing me instead of someone else. lol. But I partly blame myself, I should have known better.

Next subject...lol. I have a lot of mixed feelings about where I work. I know no job will ever be perfect, or at least not every day. I do like most of the people I work with. I really do, and I believe I have mentioned this before, idr, but we get along great. I've made some fun friends and I look forward to going to work if I know they will be working that day. However, I am constantly amazed by the customers. I just can't believe some of the people I deal with act the way they do. I get into arguments defending myself every day! What the hell? I'm a flipping cashier at a grocery store. Why should I have to defend myself for anything I do? But I do. They get angry because a price is too high, or they've bought too much, or they forgot their pin number for something and they find a way to get pissed at me. Its my fault because I obviously price everything in the store, I didn't know their budget so once they've gone over its now my fault and I look like the ass (somehow) and I rang up their order so now that they forgot their pin for a card its magically my fault.

I actually had to call someone else over once to finish a transaction because I couldn't deal with the customer any more. They started yelling at me for the prices being different on different brands of the same thing (surprised?) and then because of something with their check, I don't remember it exactly, and I forget, lol there was something else. I can usually deal with the person if they are going off but oh my gosh. I was about to snap. I really thought I was going to hit them. I just called one of my friends over because she is really patient and never gets angry, or so I thought. I just kind of strolled off while she handled them. I walked back over after they had left and my friend was really mad. I was amazed someone actually made her not smile. She deals with the angry customers returning stuff or complaining about prices all day so she is used to rude people and can usually tune them out but I guess something about this person kind of crossed her line. Which I can totally understand.

I deal with ridiculous people everyday, it surprised me to see how rude some people are to cashiers for no reason at all. I do get some fun customers though. They are nice and joke around with me and I look forward to those people. However, they are few and far between. I think part of the reason for that is the area the store is in. Thankfully though I like the people I work with. If I didn't, I would have transferred to the west side by now because its closer to my home and I need to save gas. But I like the people I work with, they are worth the waste of gas.

Well its time for me to get ready for work. Three of my favorite people there are working today so I'm excited to go. lol. Plus I get off at seven and I'm planning on surprising a friend tonight. =)

Continue

In addition to my last blog just had a quick note because some people seem to be confused. That was not a joke. I know that my original choice of a major is kind of far fetched, or so it seems for someone like me, but you don't understand. That is honestly like my passion. I'm immediately enthralled by anything that has to do with the brain and I think it would be freaking awesome to get to work on it. Once I have my goals set on something I get it. If I wanted to continue on that path to get that degree I would have been able to. And though I most likely would have been bitching about some of the classes I would have loved them anyway because any time I learn about things like that I get excited. I just love it. I sit in libraries sometimes reading books about it. I really do. I don't know what it is but for some reason when I start reading about the nervous system or something related to it at all I have to keep reading. After I'm done with that I'll spend an hour or more Googling it so I can read more and then I'll go look for another book if I have time. Everything about it really captivates me and to go to school for something like that would have been like a dream come true, minus the bills after I got out.

So, yes, I really did, and in some ways still do, want to pick that as my major. Think whatever the hell you want on whether or not I could have got to the end, I don't care because the answer is yes. The only reason I'm not majoring in it now is because I already chose a major. There are parts of it that interest me as well, and I think it fits better with my personality. I would be happy with either choice. But again, I have a goal right now to get a degree in social work so I'm going to reach my goal. And I'm going to be one of few friends actually excited about their major who won't regret their decision after graduation. So maybe its not they highest paying job, I don't care. Its a rewarding job and that's enough. Plus I have some tricks up my sleeve to take care of that money issue. And no it doesnt include robbing anything. Just wait...

Too Late to Turn Back

I don't know what it is about my car but I think a lot when I drive. lol I feel like I'm always driving somewhere. Usually by myself. Its nice...I like driving, but sometimes I waste too much time thinking about certain things. And other things I ignore completely. lol

Today I realized why my parents were pissed I chose social work. lol. Any one want to take a stab at guessing what my major was going to be? I don't know how many people actually know this other than my family but I wanted to be a surgeon. I know, I know, dumb ginger kids can't be surgeons. And I know people always have unrealistic dreams of what they want to be when they grow up, a doctor, a lawyer, a firefighter, and the occasional stripper. But I honestly have this insane fascination with it. More importantly I have an obsession with the brain. I would have settled for any kind of surgeon but my ultimate goal was to be a neurosurgeon. I'm amazed by the brains functions, the way it can fix itself in some cases, and the way it can destroy itself in others. I know there is like a shit ton of school to go through but honestly it would be worth it in the end...at least to me. So yes, I can understand how this would be a slightly disappointing change in direction. But they still should have supported me.

I didn't change majors because I thought it would be easier. I didn't change majors because social work interests me more because in all honesty it doesn't. I know I could have gotten through the classes to become a surgeon. I have a ridiculous drive and enthusiasm about it. I can't put it into words why I chose social work over my original choice. I want to be able to change people's lives. Another reason I wanted to be a surgeon...to try to help people. However, I decided I'd rather try to help change another aspect of a person's life. I want to help people help themselves. I want to help people find a way to raise their lives to a higher level so they can be happier. I argue with myself, almost everyday over my choice. Its hard. Its hard because I love neurology. But I also love seeing a person smile because someone offered a helping hand to change their everyday life. I keep telling myself I've made the right choice, and I don't plan on changing it. But damn, sometimes I swear I'm going to go to my advisor and switch. But I won't. I've made a decision, and I'm going to stay with it.

Its no real shocker to me on which one I chose. I mean to my friends I'm always offering help and trying to do everything I can to make their lives better. I'm not performing surgeries on them. lol. To a lot of my friends though I am the go to person. People come to me all the time for advice, someone to make them laugh and distract them, or just someone to vent to. I'm one of few people that will actually sit and listen instead of trying to relate people's problems to something that doesn't have anything to do with the situation. I can't help but want to help people. I love seeing people smile and I think everyone deserves a fair chance at happiness.

By the way I find it interesting that I'm amazed by the brain when in reality I am supposed to be mentally retarded. That's not a politically incorrect joke, I had a rare disease when I was young that almost killed me (it attacked my brain and nervous system) and the doctors said I wouldn't live a normal life. Now that I actually wrote that out and thought about it, I'm betting that's actually what sparked my interest in the brain. Or not hell I don't know. Don't judge the ging. lol.

Remembering How to Smile

So, the new little quote I added at the top comes from my favorite musical Wicked. Of course. Show of hands for who is shocked by this? lol. For anyone who isn't familiar with the musical or that part, its being sung from one friend to another (the amazing singing team of Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth of course! Who by the way is my favorite Glenda. She's hilarious.) Anyway, I love that quote. It really applies to some of my friendships. Not all, but a few. So thats why I added it at the top, I have awesome friends. lol.

Anyway I'm sitting with the fabulous CH at Starbucks on campus. We are having lovely heart to heart conversations while blogging and writing emails to random people. lol. We've known each other for so long we really are like family. She's like a year older than me but I see her more like my little sister. I guess that might be because I'm like 6 or 7 inches taller. lol. She's all pocket sized and cute. lol. So anyway our level of amazingness is at an all time high. Its important that people know that. lol. She's a great person....but some people don't realize it. I don't know how they don't see it...

I don't have much to say I guess...I love the quote, CH made my day, my bf made my day yesterday, AB made my day...for tomorrow. lol. I have the coolest people in my life...minus a few, lol. I'm so nice.

Alive and Well

Well I'm in a fabulous freaking mood. The past few days have been great. I've been so amazed by people this week I don't even know what to say. People I hardly talked to few months ago have stepped back into my life and been great. They have taken the places of those 'friends' that I recently removed from the picture. I've spent a lot of time hanging out with them and I'm just in a great mood all the time. I'm sad that the old friends I had pulled me away from them because now I've missed a lot of time. I hope to make up for it though. They've helped me take my last step up. While I may still be very, very upset about...stuff and angry about some other things...I think I'm free. I'm done with my depression. I think. lol. Idk feel great. I'm happy like all the time again. The only thing I'd change is that I'd like to move out of my house...but other than that I wouldn't really change much. I still hate being home because I still put up with bullshit but I'm home less now because of my schedule so I'm around it less.

I've met some great people at work recently. I don't usually look forward to going to work because, well its work lol, but they always brighten my day. My customers...not so much. lol. Most of them are nice and I've already got regulars who like me enough to come to me when they are in the store. But there are also a lot of customers who can push my buttons really, really good! Thankfully I work with a bunch of goofy people and we all get along great so even if a customer pisses me off I can turn around and talk to a friend who will cheer me back up. They are all a lot of fun and my managers are a riot so we usually have fun.

I thought it was something I was doing that was still holding me in my depression. I think this week is when I finally realized it was just who I was surrounding myself with. People who treated me like crap kept me in it. I've not done anything different...except hang out with a few different people and suddenly I'm so much happier. I've actually been able to sleep. Its nice. I didn't realize how much I missed it. lol. I'm so less stressed about everything. I could get used to this...

Good Deeds

Well she's done it again. My mother. She has this odd obsession with Christmas. I mean super obsession...mostly just decorating for it. Its like her favorite thing. Every year she buys toys and donates them to families who don't have money for presents because she can't stand the thought of a kid having no gifts to open. This year she is doing some extra good business. My grandmother, her mom, who passed away was a smoker. Smoked everyday since she was 15. She never had any lung problems (which still amazes all of us...) however, she did have bad heart problems.

This year, in memory of her, my mom called the America Heart Association and set up a contest. Of course it involves Christmas! lol. Companies in Evansville (and maybe Henderson) will pay a small fee to enter and then each company has to decorate a Christmas tree. I'm not completely sure how voting goes. I can't remember if customers give a cash donation and then the company with the most donations wins or if they select a judge who goes and looks at all the trees. But either way each company decorates a tree and can dedicate it to a lost family member or someone who is struggling with a heart condition. All the proceeds go to the American Heart Association. Yeah...my mom does good things. lol

Well I just felt the need to share that because...I have nothing better to talk about. lol. I need to go lay down. My back is all screwed up again and I'm walking like I'm 90 years old. And still refusing to take medicine or do anything about it...sooo not stubborn.

Don't Wish...Don't Start

Wishing only wounds the heart.

^That has nothing to do with this blog. But I love that. Its in a song...and its the only reason I listen to the song. lol

Anyway I believe I have confused some people recently by hanging out with a certain person. Let me clear it up. The last thing most people heard about from me was that me and this person (uhhh lets call her R. and no that's not the first letter of her name) were not talking anymore because we had issues getting along and I was about to choke her. R was my best friend but then totally turned on me because she was having a hard time in her life and decided to lash out on me. She had been treating me like shit, a popular trend among some of my friends, and we got in a huge fight and we didn't talk for the better part of a year. However, a couple months ago she apologized and admitted that she had been immature and had been a bitch to me because people were giving her shit and she was just depressed. I knew all along that R hadn't really meant to be so shady but I don't care. The only reason someone gets to be crappy to me is if I have been shady to them. That's it. If they have a different reason they can find someone else to deal with their bullshit because I won't. But anyway R apologized and said she felt terrible. That's all I wanted. I didn't care if she apologized as long as she admitted that she knew she had treated me like crap, which she had refused to do before. Since she admitted that I started talking to her more again.

Everyone needs to understand that even though we didn't talk for a long time I still would have been there for her. I knew she was depressed and I wouldn't have just left her completely alone. I stayed in contact with one of her friends to make sure she was okay. Of course if R hadn't been depressed I would have been like screw her and we most likely wouldn't be talking now either. lol. But she was my best friend and I was constantly worried about her because she's very unstable, so despite the bs she threw my way, I couldn't just not care. I'm like that with most friends. Not all. But most. They may not like me very much or talk to me and some may hate me but if they ever really needed something I'd help them out. (I can see why some would call me a bad friend...)

But yes and and R have been talking a lot and hanging out, we even went out Wednesday just the two of us, which never happens. It was nice and I hate that we don't get to see each other more often. Anyway I know I confused a lot of people when they found out we were hanging out. That should clear it up. She was mature and took full blame and because I care too much about some people we started talking again. lol. I can't help it. There are some people that can be shady some times and really piss me off but they are still good friends and I'd like to keep them around. Idk maybe I'm crazy...but some friends are just worth the effort.

Then again some friends don't take effort and those are great too. And some friends need to work on their tag...MEGS! lol

Close Call

Well my nephew had his little newborn tests done and some came back abnormal. They said he had a good chance of having cystic fibrosis. He was tested for it yesterday morning and the doctor said it would take about two days to get the results back. But of course this week is Thanksgiving so we were hoping we'd know by Friday but figured it would be Monday at the earliest. My sis and her husband were upset but not too upset because they didn't know for sure yet and didn't want to worry if there wasn't really a problem.

Our family doctor, being the amazing person he is, made them rush the results back and we found out yesterday about 6 hours after he had the test. It turns out Bryce is just a carrier of CF. Talk about relief! He'll never have any of the symptoms of CF. However, it does suck that he is a carrier because later in his life if he has kids there is the chance they could have CF. But that is a long time away and all we care about for the time being is his health. :)

Our family doctor, Dr. C, is great. I love him. He has been my mom's doctor since she was 18 and then since we are her kids he became our doctor, and now he is Bryce's. He won platinum for best family doctor this past year. (he only got gold the two years before that) He's super sweet and just amazing. When N had some issues during her pregnancy she had to go to the ER 4 times and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. When Dr. C got the report from all the ER visits he called N asked her a few questions, diagnosed her illness, and got her meds. And he was right, she was better in like 3 days. Everyone at his office is great with the exception of the receptionist. She needs to learn how to smile. lol. But all the other people are nice. Just a couple years ago a new doctor joined him and she is just about too great. We only call her by her first name...no doctor whatever. I actually have no idea what her last name even is. lol. She's really young and very smart. She is basically the female version of Dr. C...except he's old. She'll be taking over the office after he leaves. They make the most kick ass team.

Well I need to go do something productive...dangit.

Wicked

I always think its funny when people dress up as characters and go to midnight showings of movies and pee their pants just because they love the movie so much. However, I will be eating my words before too long because I am so doing that! lol

I can't help it! My favorite musical ever, Wicked, is being made into a movie. Me and one of my friends have already decided that we will be at the midnight showing and we are SO painting ourselves green! lol. I'm going to feel like such a retard but I honestly don't even care. I can't explain how tickled I am about this movie. Sadly though it won't be coming out for a couple years. (yes a couple years and we already have plans for it lol) I would pretty much die if Idina Menzel played Elphaba. She is my favorite broadway singer. Some say she is too old now to play Elphaba, but she's not old at all. The characters are supposed to be youngerish but I don't care and I bet most Wicked fans wouldn't care either. Her voice is too amazing and its just not the same without her singing it. She played the original Elphaba in the New York cast when Wicked first hit the stage. She's also the one who is recorded on the soundtrack. I listen to it all the time, lol. Been to see the musical live in Chicago and it was amazing. Have the book. And the sequel. Thinking about buying another version of the book just because it has green pages. Seriously.

I would take the time to explain what Wicked is about but if you know me, you already know. lol.

I laugh because people are way too obsessed about Twilight right now but I can't really make fun of them because I'm way more obsessed about Wicked. Next year it will be on tour and they are stopping by Indy. I'd like to see someone try to stop me from going. lol. It probably won't be as great as the Chicago cast (which was the best cast of Wicked at the time I saw it. Reviews informed me of this. lol. The best cast ever was the original New York though. And I would pee myself if I ever saw the full original cast perform even one song live) but anyway I don't care if they suck or not because its Wicked.

Yeah I love musicals. Like a lot. I still need to see RENT performed live....but again Idina played a character in that movie (and the one in the original boradway show...and is on the soundtrack) and without her it wouldn't be the same, but I don't care because it would still be pretty awesome. I could keep going on about musicals and about how I need to calm down about a damn movie but I think I'll stop here. I have some more obsessing to do until I find out who the cast is. And if thats not posted yet (and it won't be) I guess I'll have to go watch Wizard of Oz again or listen to the soundtrack. haha.

Patricia Has Her Thinking Cap On...

I think, I'm not sure, but I think I'm mostly out of my depression. I'm usually in a better mood than I have been. However, while I may be happier and seem less depressed, there are still serious issues I need to work out in my head. I'm not crazy. I just mean there are issues in my life I need to figure out because I'm wicked confused. To this point, someone has been pulling me out of my depression. They don't know it, at least I don't think they do, but they have been. Nothing in my head has changed. I think the same way I have since I first started being depressed, but this person is strong and taught me not to hide behind a fake smile but truly learn how to smile again. I won't lie, that's a super retarded thing to say but idk how to put it. They have honestly changed my life and saved me. They haven't done anything insanely fabulous. I'm not saying they are the most amazing person in the world (because lets face it, that title belongs to me. lol jk) but they have been a better friend than anyone else. That's all. They are a good friend. They do things a friend should do for someone and they don't act like its an obligation. I have a lot of friends, I really do, and I do things for them all the time, but no one, other than this person, actually treated me like one in return. That's all I freaking needed. One friend to actually not put me down at least once and to give helpful advice and not try to joke around with me.

OH here's a quick vent! Get prepared! I know I joke around a lot. Yeah I got that memo a long time ago. But the next time I try to talk to someone about a problem and they turn it into a joke, or try to make any attempt to crack a joke,

I'm. Going. To. Punch. Them. In. The. Fucking. Face.

I hope I made that clear enough. I know some people joke around to try to cheer people up. I know that if its something minor like if I break my windshield (again!) a joke is good. But there were times when I tried to talk to people about losing my gma when I was really upset and they tried to find a joke to crack. Not about her or her death just a joke in general. First of all you are seriously fucked up in your head, and second, do not, DO NOT, joke around about serious shit with me. Especially when I'm talking about losing a family member I was extremely close to. Because now I have fucking issues because people couldn't just let me talk to them about that. Its bottled up inside and I'm probably going to end up in a damn crazy house because someone felt the need to crack a joke.

Ok I'm done venting and made myself cry so that's just wonderful. But the person I mentioned earlier never did that. They were actually a friend. Surprise, surprise! It helped not being put down by someone.

Anyway, the last part of getting out of this depression is on me to take care of. I have to change the way I really think about some things and escape some toxic friendships with people who have pulled me down, which I plan on doing over the course of the next few months. I guess we will just have to see what happens...

Ricochet

Hello again. Its been a few days since my last post. Nothing too exciting going on here...oh wait yes there is! lol

My little nephew has arrived the cute little fella! Bryce Aaron. And of course...his aunt was right in her predictions, he is adorable! lol. I'm not going to put any pictures up on here. They are on my myspace and facebook so that will have to be good enough. But basically he is just too darn cute. Since he is mixed I'm anxious to see the color his skin will be. Right now he is still pretty light skinned but its slowly getting darker. I think that's so weird. lol. There were some issues during the whole birthing process that didn't go quite so well but I don't feel the need to discuss that on here. But they are both doing better now. I think Bryce is still dealing with some affects of it but he should be fine.

I'm so damn tickled with myself about what I did today that I must share it on here! I had a research paper for history class due today. It was assigned two weeks ago. I forgot about it until last Wednesday. Then with all the craziness surrounding Bryce I totally forgot. Thursday went to being at the hospital all day waiting for the little guy. Friday was one class then work for the rest of the day. Saturday was almost completely devoured by the hospital (not that I minded spending it with my sis and nephew) however later that night on my way home I was invited to a party where some of my good friends were at. Like I can turn that offer down! I hadn't been able to hang out with some of them lately so I had to go. Well after about two hours I realized that paper was due Monday and wanted to just vomit because I got so nervous about getting it done. I left the party at 3 Sunday morning then went to work at 10 and stayed there all day. So I got no paper time then either and stressed about it all day.

For some reason though I suddenly just stopped worrying. I did all the research and wrote the paper today in about 3 and a half to 4 hours. Did I mention I'm amazing? lol. Usually I have trouble trying to start a paper and the intro takes me like FOREVER but I wrote this one in like three minutes and it was like awesome. I was like where the hell was this skill in high school? Don't get me wrong I've always been able to bullshit an A paper like its my job but it usually takes me awhile to get to thinking. So basically...I couldn't believe I got it all done. I know I do work good and fast under pressure but I have never in my life thought about attempting something like that. And I won't again. Last year when I was working on my research paper I got so stressed out one night I had a wicked nosebleed for like half an hour. (it also happened one time while furiously working on a Rubik's cube that was being a bitch and didn't want to line up the right gd squares. whore) I was worried that would happen this time too, but it didn't. Yay. However, things should be more laid back now for me and I've been in a better mood lately for...well reasons.

Lets hope things keep going down this path so I can continue being my chipper self.

Waiting Is The Hardest Part

I'm so excited I can't even show it. lol.

So back in February we found out my sisters due date was the 17th of this month. I told my sister like months ago that she would have the baby on the 11th (today) so I've been hoping all day I'd be right. lol. Sadly I was wrong (damn) but she did have a doctors appointment today to check up. She found out that she will actually be induced late Wednesday night and then BAM! lol Thursday we will have a new little addition to the family! So basically I was closer to guessing the due date than her doc. Yeah that's right...I'm awesome. I can't freaking wait! Too bad I have to work Thursday. I might call in. I mean I'm not to usually call in but I think I have a good enough excuse to say screw work for that day. I was only going to be at work for like 3 and a half hours anyway (what the hell is that about?) so its not much of a loss and won't hurt the paycheck much.

I'm so damn tickled. I can't wait to see my nephew. He is going to look more like his dad. In the first ultrasound picture we saw of him, he looked like F in 2 or 3 of his 2D pictures. 2D! lol. It was funny but kind of crazy. Because if you've ever seen them its one hard to tell what the hell you are looking at, and two hard to really see features that well on their face. However they got a picture of him at an angle that was EXACTLY the same angle as one of F's pictures from when he was a little kid, and it looked just like a copy! The good news about that is that F was a cute baby (and so was my sis) so their kid should be pretty freaking adorable. :)

AH I can't wait!

I Feel Better When I Hear Them Say...

that everything will be wonderful someday.

I can't freaking decide what kind of mood I'm in. That's so frustrating. I had a good day and I'm in a good mood, but I'm also super pissed off about something. You know what that means...its another venting post! lol

I'm very, very angry about something that doesn't need to be mentioned on here. I'm not at all sad about my recent decision on something, which kind of makes me wonder if I really am a heartless bitch. I think I should be sad, but I'm just not. I feel a strange relief instead and I've been in a better mood for the most part. Unfortunately my current happiness has been accompanied by some anger. I won't go into it right now. I'm not too happy about the situation though and I'm disappointed in this person and their recent actions.

(By the way if you are reading this for some random reason and have no idea what I'm talking about, feel free to ask. But this post is really meant for the people who actually know whats going on. Anyway...)

I refuse to let myself feel bad about my decision. I kind of feel like I should, but I'm going to try to not let it happen. My choice has made me happier and that's what really matters to me. Three people have helped me reach my decision about not feeling bad. They are true friends and support me. They help me hold on to every shred of hope I have that things will improve simply by making me smile every day instead of putting me down.

They tell me everything will be better one day. I believe them because they haven't been wrong yet.

Still Smiling

That's right I'm still cheesin over here. lol. Though I may be dealing with dumb things it has yet to really bring me down. Still smiling.

Yesterday wasn't the greatest. It started off kickass. I was in a great mood. Like...I was so happy it was crazy. From 9 to about 1 I never stopped smiling. Then some people pissed me off and I was angry for awhile. However, I was so angry that I started laughing hysterically as I do sometimes so I was still smiling anyway. I didn't want to go to work. Just because I was in a bad mood and didn't feel like talking to anyone. But for some reason it actually cheered me up. One lady who came through my line near the start of my shift said something that made me smile and it just stayed there. I wish I could remember what that was...lol. But after that I was again in a great mood. I was still pissed about other things but it never really got to me enough to affect my day.

I guess it was really just a matter of the good things finally outweighing the bad. I hope to keep it this way. But now that I know who to avoid and who to talk to more I don't think it will be hard. I can't believe I'm dealing with this immature crap. Honestly that's what annoys me...I don't care that people are being pissy, fine go ahead, but to be so damn immature about it. That's whats annoying. Its all good though. I know people who aren't that way and will hopefully be able to talk to them more now.

I'm in a pretty grand mood again today. I was off today...but then one of my managers asked if I'd pick up a 12-7 shift. I really didn't want to but I could always use extra money. Well I need to start getting ready for that I guess...I'm off to continue enjoying my day. :)

On We Go...

Hello hello. I am back again today! Like I can just do one tiny post, yeah right! So anyway today...was a good day.

I'm in the most fabulous mood. I really am. I don't even want to go to sleep because I want to enjoy this as long as I can. I did have to deal with the usual pissy people but to hell with them! I'm not letting them drag me down anymore. Wednesdays always put me in a good mood, I never look forward to them but I am always in a great mood when I get home. Its because of my english class. LOVE IT.

So in history class the prof decided we would just talk about the election. Well that took a quick turn downhill because as it turned out 42 of the 48 people in there were for McCain while the other 6 of us were for Obama. So what was supposed to just be a nice class discussion turned into quite a heated argument. Only 4 of us out of the 6 actually spoke out against the others for McCain. I was one of the first people to jump out there and speak my mind then eventually I got the other three to help me. Amazingly enough the four of us were able to hold our ground pretty damn well against the rest of the class. Even the prof wasn't for Obama so he kept leading the discussion basically against him backing us into a corner with the rest of the class shouting their opinions at us. It really pissed me off. I was glad that we were able to have a heated and educated debate about the election but damn! There is no reason to be yelling at us. There is a big difference between expressing your opinion and being an ass about it. Calm down kids the election is over. The prof did admit that the four of us were making good points though. Eat that you damn History 102 McCainers! lol.

So after I was good and pissed off about that I headed to english class. Dr. W made my day! First she cleared up some recent concerns the class had about some online trouble we were having with a new program which took my stress level way down, then she decided that since we had 3 hours and the election was over we could talk about politics for a bit and she couldn't be blamed for trying to persuade us. She just so happens to be VERY liberal. I kind of wanted to hug her. lol. Just kidding. So, it turns out we are like the only liberals in there. Then just me and her had like a 20 minute conversation about it which made me a little less pissed off about history. Dr. W is really funny and soooo my favorite prof. lol. Not because she's a liberal, just because she is a really great prof and I just love her class.

I've been stressed out really bad about our online homework in that class because they are using a new site and we are basically the testers for it and it seems like nothing goes right. She said not to worry about any of that though and she'd take care of everything. Which is cool because before she got in there tonight about 5 of us were talking about how bad we just wanted to like cry because we couldn't get anything to work. lol. Tomorrow morning I have a conference with her which I am also very excited about. We should be able to clear up any remaining concerns and I will be all set! I'm so damn tickled about it getting everything fixed! lol. Oh my...she is too awesome and way too nice. There must be some kind of catch at the end of the semester...hmm.

Oh my...I'm in such a great mood. I take that back. I'm like...me tonight. I'm in my normal mood that I would usually be in if people would stop trying to drag me down. The mood I used to be in all the time. I want to be able to be like this more often. I will be like this more often. Warning! If you get in my way, I'm kicking ass! But I'll do it with a smile. :)

Can You Smell What Barack Is Cooking?

That's right! Barack won. And to be quite honest, I'm fairly tickled about it. lol. I'm a liberal and very excited about the future of the country now. 2009...end of an error.

To stay with the current track I'm on of politics lets talk about voting. If you are old enough to vote and you didn't vote yesterday and you are pissed off about the outcome, shut the hell up. You are given a chance to express your opinion and if you choose not to take advantage of that when given a chance then you forfeit the right to bitch about the outcome. If you did vote and are pissed about the outcome, feel free to bitch as much as you want. :)

That's all I have for now I'll post again later when I'm more bored.

What Time Is it?

Its time for some humor. Do you know why? Because no matter what is going on in your life you need to remember how to laugh. There are some people that aren't dealing with bad things in their life the right way. They are taking out their anger on others instead of working on fixing the problem. However, sometimes before you can figure out how to do it the right way, you need to remember to laugh. Its more important than you think.

I love fails. They crack me up and brighten my day. So I'll share some with you.

I love this sign. I think they could have thought of a better way to word that than 'we cut children' but thats just me.

Obviously it hasn't improved very much...and if it has I'd hate to know what it was like before.

Sounds like a win to me.

I know that is kind of small but it was the best I could get it. If you cant see it just ask me. Anyway, this one I actually didn't find funny. I found it so far past hilarious I didn't even laugh. I barely even smiled. I'm embarrased for this person.

I can't decide if I think thats clever...or one of the dumbest ideas I've ever seen.

lol. child predator hands. Thats rich.


Finally! A company that doesn't do false advertisement!

Thats all for now...I'm off to do something more productive. Which probably won't happen and I'll end up doing something even less productive than this blog. Is that possible? We shall see!

You Can't Catch Me, I'm the Gingerbread (Wo)Man

This is where people give up. Places like this is where people give up on themselves. They just quit. They look around and realize that not only do they not know where they are, but they have no idea as to how they got there. So, they either give up completely or just stand in the same spot and bitch about their life. Well that doesn’t solve anything. Anyone can stay alive, but only the strong people keep living.

I know I may bitch a lot and I may sound like I’m going to just end things one day, but I won’t. I’m not weak. I’m not standing still. I am still pushing forward because while some people may put way too much energy into trying to hold me back, a couple people actually give me hope that there is something worth seeing at the end of the road I’m currently on. I trust them.

Though I do complain about people pissing me off and holding me back there is something that needs to be clarified there. It does make me a little more depressed each time. However, eventually after thinking about it a lot it starts turning into motivation. I have so much motivation right now to actually do something with my life that there is no way I’d just quit. I’m dead set on proving people wrong. Lol…dead set. That’s funny cause I’m talking about not killing myself but its dead…set…hell you get it. Anyway, I do still need those friends who do give me hope because before the other stuff turns to motivation I get really upset about it and it sucks. But I just really look forward to standing at the end and smiling because I became what people (excluding one person) said I’d never be able to be.

I hope anyone wanting to hold me back or that has any shitty comment or thought right now is good and stretched for some exercise. It’s a race, bitches. Except not really, because you’ll never catch me.

By the way this blog title cracked me up. Cause I'm a ginger...nicknamed Ginger. Plus the topic fit nicely. And only Megs gets the other joke hidden in the title...maybe. :)

I Know The Pieces Fit Cause I Watched Them Fall Away

I'm so depressed.

I don't know why.

I can go out with the friends, or those of them who are still decent, and have fun but its just like I feel so much pressure. I have NO idea where its from. Like right now. I had a nice, fun day. But I feel like I have so much pressure on me weighing me down. What the hell...

There are two people, TWO PEOPLE in my life who have never once made me feel bad. I'm talking like ever made me doubt myself, never made me feel stupid no matter what dumb thing I had just said or done, never judged me (at least to my face or to someone who later told me) and they've just never put any pressure on me. Everyone has thoughts on how I should improve this or that, except these two people. They actually don't want me to change anything, and if they do they are kind enough to keep it to themselves. Oddly enough, neither are family. They aren't people I currently call best friends either. Sounds like I should start reconsidering things doesn't it?

I don't know but for some reason I don't feel like putting their names or initials in here. I'm weird. Leave a comment if you feel the need to know, I don't care.

What's With Today, Today?

Today has been rather shitty. I've dealt with shitty people, I'm in a shitty mood, and classes were shitty. I want to go home. I want to go home, be in the darkness of my room, and just lay in bed. I'm so fed up with certain people right now. I'm filled with so much anger right now about so many things that I'm not even angry.

I don't get people. I just don't fucking get them. I stand up for my friends if someone is talking about them. I help them with stuff. I cheer them up if something is wrong. I do all kinds of shit for them and for what? Because for the most part they all end up turning around on me and being a complete ass. Yesterday I almost punched one of my good friends. I almost hit her with full intentions of breaking something in her face. Teeth, nose, I didn't care. I don't understand why people start acting like complete bitches for no reason. I haven't done a damn thing but suddenly I'm being treated like an ass.

Why do almost all of my the people I choose as friends do this? Not all but a lot of them. I know its not all my fault (I may take some blame but not all of it) because I've had some friends I've known for over half my life and they don't act this way. Why is it that just when people should start being mature they become more childish everyday? Don't get me wrong I don't have some ridiculous idea that all the friends I have now I will have forever, because I know that isn't true (and right now I'm hoping for it) but damn...is it too much to ask for some freaking maturity?

I may not think I'm a good person sometimes, but I am a damn good friend. And that's not something I've ever questioned. I would do more for my friends than some people would do for their own family. So to those of you 'friends' who think otherwise about me, Fuck Off. I don't need or want your bullshit in my life and I'm done with you. You've pushed me to my edge, and I'm about to break.

Twenty People

I’ve been tagged! So, here we go. You write statements to 20 different people and you don’t say who they go to. Sounds pretty simple. Let’s see how this goes…(good luck guessing which one is for you)

1. I miss you everyday. I’m constantly surrounded by reminders of you but I do it by choice. You were a great person and I never want to forget even one detail. Some of them are fading now because you’ve been gone for a few years, but hopefully the ones I still have will stay with me forever.

2. You are like an episode of House. If something medical can go wrong with you, it does. However, you usually find a way to joke about it. You’ve gone through a lot of crap in your life but you don’t let anything hold you back. You are one of the strongest people I know and I love you.

3. You piss me off daily. Daily. You’ve told me I’m a terrible person. You’ve told me I’ll never amount to shit. That’s all just fine and dandy though because I’m going to prove you wrong one day. It will be fun.

4. Oh you silly goose. I hate you so much. I would never truly wish bad things on a person but…damn you are pushing it! Thank you for teaching me the true meaning of the word hate. I look forward to the day I never have to hear about you again.

5. You are my tiniest friend but you have the biggest heart. I’ve known you for 13 years and we still have yet to have even a small disagreement. You are one of my best friends and I don’t know what I’d do without you. You make me smile and I love you!

6. You make me angry. A lot. However, you do have good qualities and despite the numerous amount of times you have pissed me off, you are still a good friend…at times. I know you care, you just have a jacked up way of showing it.

7. You’ve brightened the last 7 years of my life! You have always been a great friend. We’ve bickered and fought before but its impossible to stay mad at each other. Let’s face it; we may as well have been sisters. I love you crazy!

8. You taught me to believe in myself, to be confident, and never give up. You have helped through more things than you know. You are one of the strongest people I know and I really admire you. You are just a great person and I’m thankful everyday because I know you. I love you.

9. Oh my we have had some issues. But I still love you. It doesn’t matter how mad you may be at me (or how mad I am at you) you’ve always been there for me no matter what. I may not get to see you very often but you are one of my best friends and I think I’d go crazy without you. You’ve always had my back even if you were angry with me and I’m glad I have someone like you who is willing to stand up for me when others won’t.

10. You confuse me. Some days we get along great. Some days…not so much. I kind of thought you were a good friend but when it really comes down to it you aren’t. I don’t get you.

11. You are freaking insane. However, you are the good insane. I love being around you because you are goofy as hell (assuming hell is quite goofy at times) and you always put me in a good mood. I haven’t seen you in a long time but thankfully I have enough of our lovely memories to fill in the gaps. Lol. I love you, you crazy, crazy person.

12. Most days…I think I am going to kill you. One of these days it might happen. I don’t hate you yet, but you are really getting there. I’m fed up with your constant bullshit and I really, really hope you start getting the hints that you are about to push me over my edge. You of all people should not want to do that.

13. You are a really good friend. We may not get to hang out much but its always a lot of fun when we do. You’ve done things that you know I disagree with but I still think you are a good person. You just got caught in up some bad things. I don’t care, I still think you are great. I love you…and the nickname you gave me that will haunt me forever. Lol

14. I miss you. All the time. I’m still in denial that you’re gone. I do my best to not acknowledge your death right now because I can’t stand the thought. I guess its supposed to get easier in time because that’s what everyone says. Its never gotten easier for anyone else I’ve lost so I don’t expect it to be that way for you. I love you and I can’t wait to see you again some day.

15. You were one of the happiest people I knew. You were always laughing or smiling and doing something goofy and I miss that. I know that I probably wouldn’t see you much anymore since we aren’t in high school, but I would have given anything for you to have seen our senior year. I miss you big guy.

16. You are my best friend. We’ve fought…oh my have we fought! But you are still there for me anytime I need someone. You always put me in a good mood and I’d do anything for you. Your stubbornness may irritate me sometimes, but its just another reason I love you and I don’t know where I’d be without you around to keep me in line.

17. I miss your face. Lol. I don’t get to see you as often as I’d like. You are one of my best guy friends. I really get irritated with you sometimes but I still love you. You are too goofy and fun to stay mad at!

18. You are you. What can I say? You are a great friend and sometimes we don’t get to talk for months but when we do get to see each other again its like we never missed anything. You’re probably my best guy friend. You know me well enough to finish my thoughts. Sometimes I just look at you and you know what I’m thinking. However, other times I may drop 50 hints and you still can’t catch on. Lol but I still love you anyway.

19. You are stubborn. Oh my gosh you are so damn stubborn. You think you are mature and all grown up or whatever, but you still have a lot to learn. You shouldn’t judge people before you get to know them. You’ve lost your chance to know a great person and if you knew that, you’d regret it everyday.

20. You are so damn funny. For over two years now you have kept me and my friends very entertained…and I don’t even have words for you. Keep up the good work. Lol

Well now I think I will finish carrying out my duty...I'm tagging Megs and Corinne. So get busy! lol

Escape Route

Its Friday!!!

Woo!

I'm all about this weekend. Tomorrow is Semi-state for the band. I'm looking forward to seeing them. Hopefully they will have another successful day. I have to ride with my freaking parents up there though. Shoot me. AND we are picking up my mom's friend PS. Take me now lord. PLUS we are stopping to pick up her son. Shit. I'm sure it won't be so bad. Of course NS will be talking too fast for me and I'll just have to smile and nod but we haven't seen each other for awhile so I guess we should have a lot to catch up on. Well I guess if I feel like jumping out of the vehicle at any time I'll just start texting everyone in my phone. Maybe it won't be so bad. Who am I kidding? It will be ridiculous.

Tonight there is a hockey game!!!!! I freaking love hockey! I haven't been able to go to a game for a long time. As you can tell I'm very excited. Tonight's game is a preseason charity game. Its between the Evansville IceMen and the USI Ice Eagles. This will be the IceMen's first time playing. They just got started this year. Most of them came from USI and played on their team. (I say their team however the USI Ice Eagles are not actually associated with the school like the university's basketball or other sports teams. Some students actually started that hockey team and just use the university's name so they can compete) The IceMen aren't an NHL team obviously. They are on the same level as the Evansville Otters are to baseball. If that makes any sense.

I have a cousin who plays for the IceMen now. He was one of the starters of the Ice Eagles. Anyone who ever attended one game during the first five years the Ice Eagles played would most likely know him. He was well known for his temper and beating the shit out of players on the other team. lol. Its so entertaining. Oh and he was also captain and (depending on which year it was and his position) scored a lot of goals for them but who cares about that part. lol. You'd think since he has such a bad temper on the ice he'd be a real jackass but he's actually really nice and goofy. You'd never know it was the same person. But then again most hockey players are that way. I could have played hockey. I would have been on an Evansville girls team except it costs ohhhh something around way too much. I may love playing hockey but screw the costs.

Well I'm off to see about possibly switching up that driving situation tomorrow. hehe. If I'm lucky I get to drive myself (possibly with a friend) and then get to ride home with BE. Woo! I may piddle myself with excitement if it works out. Or maybe I won't. We'll just have to wait and see. :)

Yo

Well its about damn time. I finally got a new job. The interview was a real hoot. After all the questions she had for me and other such things she wrapped the interview up in an almost enjoyable way...she flat told me I got the job because I'm not trashy. Yay for my not so trashiness? I knew she'd hire me anyway because we kind of knew each other but I just enjoyed her reason. Its "...because you're not trashy like most of the people who work here or come in here. Oh and you seem nice and could probably do the job too I guess." Cute, right? lol I thought so. She went on for like 5 minutes about the trashy stuff and I was like wow this is fabulous. Oh well I don't care. Hell if they want to pay me to scan some items and not be trashy I'm cool with that.

Well I'm bored. I think I am going to go write one of my papers. Or maybe do some research for a different paper. Or maybe do the homework that's actually due tomorrow. Or maybe say screw it all and just go to sleep. :) I think I like that last one the most...

Or maybe none of those now because NS just caught me on an instant messenger. He likes to talk...a lot. I can't keep up with him in conversations. He makes me feel like I'm mentally slow because he talks too fast for my brain to process sometimes. lol. I have no idea what we are talking about right now but he keeps laughing so I just laugh with him. lol. Well I'm off to attempt my escape. Wish me luck!

"Of Course I'm Having Fun

I wouldn’t be any good if I didn’t have fun, you know, the kind of fun a person has on Outward Bound, killing yourself so that afterward you feel great. That’s what we’re talking about here, the kind of travail that brings reward.”

I stole that from a book. I happened to be reading it at the same time winter guard was canceled my senior year. Made me laugh. I wanted to write it down on my hand and slap three girls across the face with it. I’m not bitter about it anymore, I just smile and laugh every time someone mentions that season or when I think of that paragraph. Something reminded me of that though so I decided to post it because I have nothing better to post.

I’d really enjoy going to sleep. However, I’m waiting for a damn song to finish downloading. Its only going to take like 30 more minutes. Shoot me. I thought it would go faster. I could stop it and pick it up later but every time I do that something gets screwed up. I’m an idiot. But at least I don’t try to hide it.

I have a lot of random thoughts going on.
My hair is angering me.
I’m thirsty but I think I’ll just wait until tomorrow to get a drink.
I need to go put some laundry away but its almost midnight so f that.
My eyes are dry.
Who was my second grade teacher?
Mrs…uh. Damn its starts with an L.
Yay 70% of the song loaded.
Mrs…La…DAMN!
Dang I should have wrote that paper.
I wonder if its actually due tomorrow. Maybe I can bs my way out of it like last time.
Damn I’m good at not doing things right.
MRS. LAIDEN! HAHA SUCK IT MEMORY! (idk if that’s how it was actually spelled but its pronounced like that. lol. I don’t care close enough)

No joke I just typed it as I was thinking it. lol. I want to go to bed but this damn song isn’t done yet. I guess I will go find something else to do to pass the time.

Hey its 12:01! Happy Birthday Corinne! haha. Party on campus today! Not really but I’m going to act like it anyway.

AIDS Burger In Paradise

Don't pay attention to the title. lol. Its from south park. Classy show.

Well today was fun I guess.

I got to wake up early so me and a friend could leave at 7:40 to drive a little over 2 hours to cheer on our friends in a high school marching band. I should have known the drive there wouldn't go perfect when my friend got in the car and we realized we didn't have directions (my printer is broken so she said she'd do it but either way we had nothing) So she ran back inside and write them out real fast and then we left. We made it to the town just fine. After that we were only lost for an hour. lol. But we got there eventually. I now have a sunburn. Only on the left side. Left side of my face, neck, and left arm. Its lovely. Not to mention the slight tan line have from my bangs. Its pure hotness. The band did great by the way. They placed first and get to move on. Yay. Looks like another party next weekend. :)

When we were about to head home we got in the car and I asked my friend for the directions, but she lost them. lol. I was like wow we fail. So we followed other people we knew and when we lost them we guessed on which turns to make and we made it home eventually. lol. It wasn't that hard but after driving around that city for an hour before the competition we had trouble remembering which roads were the right ones and which directions to go on them. hehe.

I thought the whole being totally lost thing was funny. Last winter me and AB had gone to a few winter guard competitions together and on our way to one we got VERY lost. It was funny. We got lost for about half an hour before the competition and about an hour after the competition. lol. In the exact same place. I still swear while we were at the competition they switched around were some of those damn buildings were. We had to pull over and look at street maps at least twice. Damn we are awesome. That was somewhere in Indy. I'm not sure where though, all I remember was some creepy guy trying to give us directions (which got us there but made us drive like 5 miles out of the way to get there. We had seen an easier way but just took his advice in case we were wrong...cause we had been wrong for like 20 minutes by that time.)

My face hurts. Just the left side though. Minus the area of my forehead that my bangs covered. I hate sunburns. This is only my third one this year! That's pretty kick ass for me! Usually from April through September I have one like every other day. lol. I had one in April, one in September, and today. If you knew how bad I burn you'd be excited to hear this news. I'm so gonna get skin cancer one day. But I'll make it look cool. I make everything look cool. Not really but I can pretend.

Well I'm kind of tired so I think I am going to go to bed. Tomorrow should be a fun day. Can't wait. :)

Saturdays Can Be Bitches

So 2008 has been the most suck ass year ever. Or at least in the past 18 years.

Had an issue Saturday night involving a friend's house. Won't really say anything about that though cause that's her and her fam's personal business. Quick summary of the event: it was very not good.

*I edited this part. I had a nicer and much shorter version of this up but Megs asked me to post the first version I typed so I put it up for her* Saturday was apparently fun for some other children. By fun I mean not fun. And by children I mean a 30 something year old man who needs to fuck off. DM, I hate you more than you can imagine. I strongly dislike people sometimes. I don't hate people often. Except you, because you are a pompous son of a bitch who seriously needs to be set in his place. One day you will get what you deserve and I can't wait to see it. Don't be giving other people shit just because they are better than you and actually know how to run a guard. Call me a fucking liar, I don't give a shit. Everyone knows you are full of it. I don't care though because your opinion doesn't matter anyway. Honestly, in my opinion you are a worthless, waste of a person . You act like a little kid all the time and you are a jackass to everyone. You try to act like a punk ass all the time just because you think people think you are gay because you are a guard director. First of all you have a wife so that should be good enough, and second it doesn't matter because some people think you are gay anyway. You are joke as a guard instructor. How can you say someone else is a bad instructor when they took the guard that you ran into the ground and built them back up to be at least one of the best from the south in a year? She made a guard who actually won awards and wasn't just laughed at when they came out to perform like you had made them. No experience? Bullshit you little two-faced bitch you wouldn't know experience if it bit you in the ass. But I guess someone with 'experience' wouldn't care if their guard was a joke and someone with 'experience' doesn't even have to show up to run practices, right? Someone with what you call experience is also known as an embarrassment to the school you work for. You're a pathetic piece of shit and you better start watching your ass cause sooner or later you'll be pissing off the wrong people. To give you a hint it will be sooner because everyone, besides the girls that you have lied to for 2 or so years, hates you.

To the three who had to deal with his childish bullshit, kudos. I respect all of you, and always have. Now I do even more. One I’ve known for 7 and a half years, one for about 2 years, and the last one for less than a year; however, I think all three of you are great. I don’t get to really see any of you or talk to you guys very much anymore though I wish I could. I honestly don’t have a bad thing to say about any of you. You guys awesome for real.

I know I wrote this as if the people I mentioned would actually be reading it but they won't be. lol. Maybe one of them. However I had things to say and its easier to say as if I was actually talking to them because I'm more of a face to face conversation person. haha. I guess that's all I have. I'm off to find new ways of avoiding all the homework I have due. =)

Unpredicatble

Hey guess what I'm bored and I don't have anything to talk about so how about random pictures and such? Great!
So, about 3ish years ago I was walking through a parking lot headed into a Walmart. I looked down and saw that Home Depot sign (there is an HD right next to that walmart) I was kind of impressed the sign had made it that far though because the home depot was on the other side. So anyways I took it, obviously. I don't really think of it as stealing. HD wasn't using it anymore and it was on the ground so really I helped keep the environment clean. I'm like a model citizen. lol. Not really. But I was with one of my sisters and I was like yeah I'm totally taking that sign if its still here when we come out. It was, so now its a lovely decoration in my room. lol. It still has tire marks on it.

I hate that freaking skank cube.

"You're screwed for like...six hours!" lol Best Dr. Phil episode ever. Corinne knows what I'm talking about.

First of all, no I didn't draw that. If I did I sure as hell wouldn't post it. But anyways Al Gore and that thing are from one of the best South Park episodes ever. Manbearpig. I'm super, super serial. Even if you don't like SP you need to watch that episode. Its good.

I guess thats about all I have. For now. There's always a chance for more random things. Oh wait...
That's my hero! Not really. Its just part of the creepiest/longest joke of my life. lol. Okay really that was the last random thing this time. I'm off to hunt some z's.

There's Balloons on Your Mailbox, You Know What That Means...

Party over here.

Well first I'd just like to say I am having quite the fabulous hair day. lol True story. I'm in a good mood, at least for now. I'm sure my mom will kill it pretty soon. Today is my sister's baby shower and anytime there is some event that should be fun going on my mom usually makes one of us cry (us meaning me or my sisters) On the day of my oldest sisters bridal shower she actually managed to get all three of us. lol. She gets a little crazy. (as we got closer to the N's wedding that year we were all freaking on what she'd do if she made our lives hell just at the shower, it wasn't too bad though) But so far she hasn't been too crazy so lets hope it stays that way.

So I'm confused on this but I'll say a little bit about what I do know on this. Sound fun? Of course it does. Anyway, N started vomiting like really bad last week and feeling bad so the doctors had her come in for some tests. (here is where I am confused) I thought she was getting tested to see if she had preeclampsia because thats what N told me. My mom said she had it for sure though. So, I was like well whats the test for? And she didn't answer. I'm thinking/hoping my mom might be wrong on that just because obviously I don't want N to have that because its like not good. My mom overreacts to a lot of stuff sometimes though and always thinks someone is dying if they have a sneeze so I'm hoping she's just assuming N has it before she actually knows what she's talking about. N hasn't actually said that she has preeclampsia though so before I start really worrying I'm just going to wait to hear it from her. She should get her results back today probably a little after the baby shower. So today could end up being a lot of fun and good news or a lot of fun and then it could all go to hell. Lets hope we hear some good news. Pray for my sis please.

On a lighter note, the fall festival is this week. WOO! N said it was always her hope to be a fat pregnant woman when the fall festival came because they have just about every crazy craving someone can have. lol. I'm looking forward to taking a couple more years off my life with some greasy food. Totally worth it. I also enjoy seeing the amazing amount of redneck people that come. Its really great when you get a whole little family. Sometimes I take a picture.

So I guess I've put off getting ready long enough. My mom just left so I'm guessing in ten minutes I'll get a call and she'll be freaking about something that's totally not important. I'm off to finish fixing my awesome hair, iron my jeans, and call N to warn her that Hurricane Mother Mary is on the way.

Slowly Winding Down

My dad...makes me hate breathing.

I mean that in the most non-emo way. I know I said I didn't want to talk about this anymore but sometimes I have to. He finds a way to make me regret everything I do. His current thing is making me regret college. Sorry, Dad, I guess I can't live up to my sister who has now been kicked out of college twice over the past year.

I'm only happy when I'm not home. I can't be home and be in any sort of good mood. Even if no one is there he finds a way. Hell who am I kidding? He still finds a way to piss me off even if I'm not home.

I am not a great person. Or for that matter a good person. But I am not a bad person. I fall somewhere in between I guess. I don't know where I really fall but I do know its above a bad person. So, if I am told one more time by that jackass that I am in fact a bad person, I will lose it. And even if I am a bad person, he sure as hell doesn't have any room to talk.

I would like to breath again. I enjoy breathing form time to time. I guess since that's not going to happen though since he is having to much fun choking me (not literally.)

Surprisingly Awesome

Today was awesome. I had a lot of fun. I did have to deal with a big retard bothering me for most of the day, but I'll just try to forget about that. This whole weekend has been great. Lets recap shall we?

Friday I stayed in and watched the presidential debate. Holy cow my life is exciting. However it was very interesting. I hadn't paid much attention to the race yet but I had pretty much had my mind made up all ready so the debate just kind of finalized that. By the way, yay for Obama. :) Since I decided to stay in Friday I got my down time. I got to have one of those nights where I can just be alone and no one talks to me. I didn't really need it, but that doesn't mean its not nice every once in awhile anyways.

Saturday, party day. The bruise still hurts and its kind of fun to push on. Not much to say about it though because my last post was all about it. I know people don't like when other people my age drink, and I don't really either if they are being stupid. If they are with family or something and they can't possibly do something stupid, I don't care. Honestly for people my age I'm doing pretty good for not drinking much. Especially considering the kinds of parties I get invited to. A lot of people I know are wasted every weekend and then quite a few nights during the week. I could be too if I felt the need to accept some invitations but I don't. That's stupid. So while it may seem like a bad idea, every once in awhile isn't that bad when you think about what I could get into if I even accepted half the invitations. That's my slight rant on what people have to say. Guess that covers it.

Sunday, today, bomb. Hung out with C and A for a bit. I'll ignore the fact that the jackass Karen of the group was there. But we had fun. Then I got to hang out with KB for a bit which was nice because I don't get to see her much now. She's crazy busy. I also got to hang out with AB for a few hours along with a few other friends. I've seen her more the past few weeks than usual. But its just been for short little periods of time. Today was the first time we've actually got to do something instead of exchange a quick hello. Later on, I went over to her house for a couple hours. Always a good time there. I love her family.

So, basically I'm in a crazy good mood. I guess its because I was partying with my second fam. haha. I'm always in a great mood when I leave their house. :)

Screw You Oscar

So, its 3 in the morning. I just got back from a party. Sorry if parts of this don't make sense. My side hurts. Its bruised. I got hit with a freaking hot dog. Which, I found out, are actually pretty hard. I would not recommend getting hit by one. It may not sound like it would be bad but...when one of those little bastards gets chucked into your side, that shit hurts for real.

I don't usually go out to parties and drink. However, it is fun from time to time and that's what I did tonight. Or last night or whatever. I always make sure to make smart choices though. I make sure at least one friend I can trust or one of my sisters is sober to make sure I can't get into any stupid crap. However, I usually know whats going on anyway. I don't go to the point where I pass out or anything, that is dumb, and though some nights I have drank a lot, I remember everything the next day. I check details with whoever was sober just to check. haha. Anyways, I usually just drink until I get really talkative (when am I not?) and I get the giggles. Bad. If you think I talk a lot when I'm sober, you have no idea. You would probably want to punch me if you saw me drunk cause I decide to talk about everything...at the same time. And then laugh about it. But I really don't drink that often. The last time I drank before tonight was early May sometime.

People at the party who were drunk thought it would be fun to have a hot dog fight. That's how I got sniped. I got hit twice, once in the side and another time that got my cup and caused my drink to like explode in my hand. Sticky freaking mess. Whoever threw the one that hit me in the side is so lucky I had some alcohol in me or I would have been pissed. I kind of was anyway but just laughed. I can't believe it actually bruised. That's some Oscar Meyer bullshit right there.

Sure, Why Not?

Well I am again running on very little sleep. Late last night just as I was about to finally drift off, I got a text message from a friend. She was upset about something and we ended up talking for two hours. If she hadn't texted me I would have been able to get a good bit of rest in. But that's okay.

I always tell people that they can call me anytime they need me, even if that means 3 in the morning. I mean it too. She (the one who I was talking to last night) is the only one who has ever tested that. One morning she called me sometime around 2. I was asleep and of course enjoying my rest but I got up and talked to her for about an hour or so. I told her I hadn't been sleeping so she didn't feel bad about calling. She's called quite a few times at crazy hours, and I always answered even if I was half awake and had no idea whats going on for the first few minutes. I don't mind, I really don't. I'm glad that people trust me and come to me with their problems. I'd prefer to talk to them during normal hours of the day but I don't really care if what time it is.

So, MK just asked (on fb) if I was in class right now. Yes and no. haha. I'm sitting in my psych class right now, but maybe not mentally here. I'm bored and due to lack of sleep, I have about the same attention span as a goldfish. My laptop battery is slowly dwindling away and I'm really hoping it makes it to the end of class because if not I don't know what I'll do. Yes, there is always the option of taking notes, but that sure as hell isn't happening today.

This is taking me forever to write because my mind is everywhere and I have to concentrate really hard just to complete each sentence. lol. That's kind of sad. I'm all ADHD over here. But after this class I'm going to run home, maybe take a power nap (probably not) and then come back for my other 2 classes. Yay. I'm totally going to count on getting some super strong coffee to wake me up. None of that crazy Starbucks stuff, I mean like for real plain, punch you in the face and wake your ass up coffee. Well I guess I should pay more attention to Dr. S. Or I should check my email before turning off my computer. We'll see...

Long Nights

So, I was looking at my yearbook today from my senior year because I was bored. I miss high school. I mean I don't but I do. That doesn't make sense. I was always really involved and rarely home. That's what I miss. I was in band, clubs, track, tutored kids, did guard for a bit, and all kinds of other things. I really miss guard. As for classes, I don't miss homework of course, but then again I rarely did mine anyway unless it was for English class. (I could go a whole year without doing homework in one class, but I never missed one assignment in English.) I usually enjoyed my classes though because, of course, if I am in them they had to be fun. : )

It sucks not being involved with as much stuff, but its nice too. I love college. I didn't have bad high school years, I enjoyed them a lot, but you couldn't pay me to trade it for college. A lot of my friends complain about it. They don't like the size of the schools, classes, schedules, the people. I love it all. I love being in class, being on campus, being around new people, I even like doing the homework and look forward to it. I only have four classes right now (12 credit hours) but next semester, and for the rest of my college days, I hope to have more than 4. I also plan on taking summer classes.

I'm tired. Every night I get less and less sleep. Yesterday I almost fell asleep in one of my favorite classes, which is weird because I usually don't even have trouble staying awake in my most boring class. I'm really hoping tonight I can catch up on some sleep. I need it. I guess I'm off to try to fall asleep...

Its the Perfect Time of Year, Somewhere Far Away From Here

Well I didn't get to sleep in. I went to bed about 1:30 and woke up several times throughout the morning and finally gave in about 7:30. Oh well, its more than I get other nights.

I forgot to mention something last night. Yesterday was the 3 year anniversary of a friend's death. Obviously it bothers me every time that day comes around but yesterday it seemed to more than usual. I guess because I saw his family and had to talk to them. I wore my pep band shirt from the year he passed away because it had his basketball number on the back. It was once black but now its faded even though I haven't worn it for a long time. Every time I think of him I try not to remember his funeral (because of course who wants to think of that) but I can't help but hear the recording of him they played at the ceremony when he was really little singing 'Jesus Loves Me.' I had held up kind of good until that point, but once they played that I lost it. It still makes me cry every time.

I didn't have time yesterday, but if I do today or tomorrow I'm going to go buy some flowers to put on his grave. They will have to be orange of course, because if you couldn't think of what color to make something his answer was always orange.

I guess that's all I have. I'm off to lose myself in laundry and hopefully plan my escape route to my sister's place.

The Amazing Exploding Knees

Yes, children step right up and witness the amazing exploding knees. We have yet to see them actually explode, but its only a matter of time I'm sure. I think I may amputate. I could totally rock nubs.

So, today I worked at a band invitational from 3:30 to 11. I did concessions which wasn't bad but then for about an hour and a half after that I helped carry crates of bottled drinks and that's what killed me. I'm not tired but lifting that stuff sucks. One isn't that heavy, but doing it repetitively kills your joints. My back and knees are screaming at me.

Totally worth it though because then I got to hang out with AB for awhile after the invitational. I hadn't planned on getting to talk to her at all so I'm not complaining. The two of us haven't gone out for awhile like we used to all the time. I miss our dance parties in my car. lol.

I wasn't going to take any medicine for my joints but I can't take it anymore. Its time for a drug hunt...

Well now that I'm good and drugged up, lets continue shall we?

The worst part about today was that my mom and day where there working too. Well, for part of it at least and then they went and watched bands. But my mom volunteered us all and we had to smile and act like we are fucking peachy and the happiest family ever. Stupid. Two maybe three of her friends know how it is at our house (meaning the constant fighting and bullshit.) To anyone else we are wonderful.

Guess what. I have a secret. Our home...not perfect. Problems? Too many to count. Even what I have told people doesn't scratch the surface. I'm not talking about what I've said on here, I mean like told my friends on the phone or whatever. Not even close to the whole story. Which is funny because there are some days where I complain about it a lot. At home, I never smile. Unless I'm alone. By alone I don't mean in a room alone, I mean no one else in the entire house or on our property. Me not smile? Crazy talk. Recently I was trapped here for like 2 and a half days in a row. I didn't crack one smile. They all probably think I'm a bitch or emo. I don't really care though, if it makes them leave me alone I'm all for it.

I guess I'm done for now. I think my spine might actually try to flee my body because its rioting right now so I should probably go lay down. Hopefully I sleep in late tomorrow. If not, I may have to blog about how not happy I am with my sleeping patterns. Or recent lack thereof. Why do I have trouble sleeping when I enjoy it so much? Dumb. I'm off to snooze now. Wish me luck.