My Legs and Arms Are Broken Down

Time for a heart to heart. Or I guess...heart to blog, blog to heart. Whatever. Don't judge me. haha.

I've realized that I have no idea why I am happy. And that in a way my thoughts haven't changed much to make me more of a positive person. My self esteem has gone up and that's good. I credit that little boost to D. She said something one time that just made a little click in my head. I'd quote her but I don't remember it exactly and it would sound confusing if I tried. haha. But basically I hate myself a little less which is nice. I'm guessing that has cheered me up some but its not the main reason.

Of course...I guess I can't say it isn't if I don't know what the main reason is. In my mind...I feel as though I have nothing to live for. I feel like I disappoint people often and therefore it wouldn't be a great loss if I was gone. However, I do feel like I have people to live for. I realized that if it wasn't for some people in my life I wouldn't get out of bed each day. Some of these people I talk to every day and others I may not get to talk to for months. Its hard to explain I guess.

I about lost my cool the other day. I couldn't help it. I told some of my family (aka the awesome support system) about my thoughts on changing my major. Suddenly they are supportive of my decision to be a social worker. Wtf. Its not that they finally realized that it wouldn't be such a bad job...its just because they would rather me do that then go into paramedic science. So basically they are even more negative than before. I amazed I found something they disapprove of more than SW because they used to treat it like a damn plague. Oh well. I'm hoping I can make my business really take off here in the next couple months and then I won't even need to get a diploma because I will be financially kicking ass.

With envy for the solid ground.