Oh sometimes I'm not sure what the hell I've been thinking. I really miss the last person I recently dated several months ago. I never really mentioned it to many people...I guess because I always knew it would end bad. And don't get me wrong I'm very happy with the person I'm currently dating. Happier than I've been in a long time actually. The other person treated me really bad...and I don't miss them for that. We fought a lot and they did a lot of...not good things that really hurt me and I really needed to get away. I blew up on them finally and we got into a massive fight and I lost them even as a friend which is also a good thing because they couldn't get over us not dating. It just took a really bad toll on me and I see them all the time and they look like crap and I'm always still worried about how they are. I want to talk to them but I know I shouldn't because it always ends up with me playing defense and getting hurt. I just kinda fall apart every time I see them though. I don't in anyway want to date them again...but I don't know it still just hurts.
My bf knows about it some but I don't feel that its appropriate to discuss with him. He only knows about it at all because he knows the other person and saw us get into it once. I discuss it a little with Te and D but I feel like its not getting any better. D understands because she's gone through some shit but its awkward to talk about it. I just feel like I got so close to them like I lost something there and in a way I regret it but at the same time I don't at all. I want to hate them sometimes but I'd still do anything for them just because that's how I am. I hate it.
However, as I said I am very happy for the most part with everything else. My bf is great. He treats me great and we get along with each others families which I think is wonderful. I have two of the best friends I could ask for. They always know just what I'm thinking just by the look on my face which is nice because it saves time. haha. They know I smile to cover whatever I'm really thinking but I still try anyway...its useless though and they always call me out. I just wish I could let go of the other person. But they will be moving out of state soon so hopefully after that it will be easier. I guess we will see...
If you weren't already.
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