Hmm

I was really looking forward to moving out of my house this fall. I was going to move into some campus apartments with 2 people I know. Too bad that got shot to hell. Now I will be stuck at home. Awesome. I love coming home and having someone tell me I'm worthless. Its like...number 3 on my list of favorite things to do. Knowing that my chance to move has been taken away sucks really bad. Its a horrible trapped feeling. I pray every night for something to get better. It never does. As I watch my self esteem and hopes dwindle away, I realize that I'm most likely going to become exactly what he says I am. A worthless, waste of a person who won't amount to anything because they are throwing their life away to a bullshit major. Damn Social Work and its attempts to make me failure. Even though I always feel like I won't amount to anything I'm determined not to let that happen.

My newest thought (which actually isn't that new...its about a month old) is to go into a math minor. This would surprise just about everyone who knows me. Contrary to popular belief I am actually smart. I don't mean to sound like an arrogant jackass when I say that...but most people assume I'm idiot. I hate math but at the same time I like it because I'm wicked good at it. It has absolutely nothing to do with my major though. That's the only reason I'm not sold on the idea. (My aunt was the one who first told me I should do a math minor) However, my dad thinks I chose Social Work because I'm a dumbass and couldn't handle something like a chemistry major. (honestly how many people can pick that and actually find a job using it?) Choosing math as my minor would also be a nice way to tell him to take that statement about not being smart enough and shoving it in a select place. Don't get me wrong its not the only reason I want to do it. Its just a nice plus.

Having people actually support my college decisions would be nice. I don't actually have any family members who fully support me. I have 2 who almost support me. They give some support but have tried to talk me out of Social Work. They will always support my decisions but don't agree with them and want me to change...I don't count that as full support.

I do however have one person who is always encouraging me. I don't know what I would do without her. I really don't. She isn't a best friend or family member and I don't really get to see her or talk to her that much but when I do get a chance I always feel better. Even if she doesn't say much, just knowing I have someone who actually encourages me is nice. Sometimes knowing that is about all I have to keep from freaking out.

Well this was a long post. I think thats about all I have for now. I messed my wrist up super bad today and typing hurts so I guess I'll stop now. Until next time.