I don't know why but I love the song 'if i ever leave this world alive' by Flogging Molly. Actually I do know I guess but its hard to put into words completely. Know what I mean or am I making shit up? Don't judge me. lol.
I can't make up my mind. I'm happy but I feel like I'm drowning. I had this good thing going where my dad and I didn't talk. Like at all. It made living together so much easier. He decided to break that and now we are fighting bad again because I've won back my title as the worthless, stupid fucking bitch. I hear I'm like world champion. And I don't even get a medal or trophy or anything. Sigh. I'm trying to be happy. I'm damn fighting for it. But I just feel so smothered. Its worse now. The fighting and just overall mood at my house. I'm finally happy again though and I'm going to hold onto every last shred of it. I don't want to think like I used to.
Less than a week until Wicked. How excited am I? Very doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I freaked out earlier because I thought I lost part of one of my most valued things from my senior year. I enjoy having things to look back at over the years and such. I was given a bear near the end of my senior season of fall marching band/guard. It came with a note my instructor had written. I had the bear out sitting on my stereo but then I got my new desk and got rid of the stereo in my room and the bear was on a shelf in my closet. I got the bear back out to set it next to a picture frame filled with marching band/guard photos. I couldn't find the note and actually got really upset. lol. I might have destroyed my closet looking for it. But then I remembered I had put it with some cards under my bed. lol. I'm stupid. I know it seems silly to get upset about it but there are some things like that really mean a lot to me. Idk. Don't judge. lol. Most things from my senior year aren't like that. There are probably like 2 or 3 other things I'd be truly upset if I lost. But I enjoy my bear. I cried when I got it. I tried not to but I don't think anyone noticed anyway. lol. Long story short, I found the damn note and all is right in the world of keepsakes. lol
Ok I'm done with the random information for today. Time for bed.
The madness that you feel will soon subside. So in a word don't shed a tear, I'll be here when it all gets weird. If I ever leave this world alive...
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