Finally! I have a free day! I'm so excited about it. I've had the most ridiculous hours at work. This past week (and weekend) really wore me out. I was either at school, work, or trying to entertain my nephew. I discovered if I squish my cheeks just right I can coax a smile. If I get really lucky I can get a little giggle. Its hard work. lol. I love that kid.
So, lets have a serious talk for a second. I mentioned in my last post about being upset about something and then I decided not to talk about it but I changed my mind because I got pissed off. May of my junior year, what happened? Anyone? Any guesses? A friend died. That's what happened for anyone who is confused. He was in a car crash. He did not die right away. He was in the hospital, in ICU. What did I do? I went home after the band banquet. I went home. I said no I'll go see him after school tomorrow. Third period the next day what happened? Anyone remember? We found out he died that morning. That was my friend, and I went home. I didn't go see him. That upsets me every time I hear about him. Still. Now here is where I get pissed off. I know I should let it go. I know this. But I can't. I still can't forgive myself for not going to the hospital to see him. Do not, DO FUCKING NOT tell me "Oh well you need to forgive yourself because you can't change it now." Yes, I know I can't change it now jackass, that's the fucking problem! Reminding me that I can't change that mistake does not make me feel better and I don't understand why someone thinks that saying that will make it ok. I know I should let it go but I will always feel terrible for it. So telling me to just get over it because its in the past doesn't help. I know he had other friends there but that isn't what matters. I don't care how many people were there, I wasn't. I don't care that he was unconscious and people weren't allowed to see him anyway so he wouldn't have known I was there, he was a friend and I should have been there. This bothers me almost every day. Sometimes not as much as others but almost every day it crosses my mind at some point. A person that has a heart, goes to see their friend if they are in a terrible accident.
Despite my strange, constant level of happiness, this brings me down. A lot. I don't know why I felt the need to talk about that certain issue though. If I blogged about all the things that haunt me and steal my sleep, we'd be here quite some time....
That's my rant for the week. Well that's assuming I don't get pissed off or upset enough to have a blog bitch session. Can it be done?
You'll have to love me when I'm gone.
So, lets have a serious talk for a second. I mentioned in my last post about being upset about something and then I decided not to talk about it but I changed my mind because I got pissed off. May of my junior year, what happened? Anyone? Any guesses? A friend died. That's what happened for anyone who is confused. He was in a car crash. He did not die right away. He was in the hospital, in ICU. What did I do? I went home after the band banquet. I went home. I said no I'll go see him after school tomorrow. Third period the next day what happened? Anyone remember? We found out he died that morning. That was my friend, and I went home. I didn't go see him. That upsets me every time I hear about him. Still. Now here is where I get pissed off. I know I should let it go. I know this. But I can't. I still can't forgive myself for not going to the hospital to see him. Do not, DO FUCKING NOT tell me "Oh well you need to forgive yourself because you can't change it now." Yes, I know I can't change it now jackass, that's the fucking problem! Reminding me that I can't change that mistake does not make me feel better and I don't understand why someone thinks that saying that will make it ok. I know I should let it go but I will always feel terrible for it. So telling me to just get over it because its in the past doesn't help. I know he had other friends there but that isn't what matters. I don't care how many people were there, I wasn't. I don't care that he was unconscious and people weren't allowed to see him anyway so he wouldn't have known I was there, he was a friend and I should have been there. This bothers me almost every day. Sometimes not as much as others but almost every day it crosses my mind at some point. A person that has a heart, goes to see their friend if they are in a terrible accident.
Despite my strange, constant level of happiness, this brings me down. A lot. I don't know why I felt the need to talk about that certain issue though. If I blogged about all the things that haunt me and steal my sleep, we'd be here quite some time....
That's my rant for the week. Well that's assuming I don't get pissed off or upset enough to have a blog bitch session. Can it be done?
You'll have to love me when I'm gone.
1 comment:
There is nothing wrong with redheads! You know that, it's just a figure of speech, my dear. Also, I managed to talk our way back into semi-good graces at this point. However, I was pretty much told that it will never happen again. Which, it wont, because our painting is done :) haha.
I was also told that Saturday/Sundays are not free reign and that we have to be scheduled to be in the gym. Okay, really, it's a freaking Sunday! Oh well, at least I know that I can schedule us for the gym if I need to now and I dont have to go to Mr. Wood quite yet. :) Damn Judy and Bill Christmas!!! (Judy is the one who complained about me, shock, shock!!)
Oh yeah, she CC'd her response to them also. Not cool!
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