I think, I'm not sure, but I think I'm mostly out of my depression. I'm usually in a better mood than I have been. However, while I may be happier and seem less depressed, there are still serious issues I need to work out in my head. I'm not crazy. I just mean there are issues in my life I need to figure out because I'm wicked confused. To this point, someone has been pulling me out of my depression. They don't know it, at least I don't think they do, but they have been. Nothing in my head has changed. I think the same way I have since I first started being depressed, but this person is strong and taught me not to hide behind a fake smile but truly learn how to smile again. I won't lie, that's a super retarded thing to say but idk how to put it. They have honestly changed my life and saved me. They haven't done anything insanely fabulous. I'm not saying they are the most amazing person in the world (because lets face it, that title belongs to me. lol jk) but they have been a better friend than anyone else. That's all. They are a good friend. They do things a friend should do for someone and they don't act like its an obligation. I have a lot of friends, I really do, and I do things for them all the time, but no one, other than this person, actually treated me like one in return. That's all I freaking needed. One friend to actually not put me down at least once and to give helpful advice and not try to joke around with me.
OH here's a quick vent! Get prepared! I know I joke around a lot. Yeah I got that memo a long time ago. But the next time I try to talk to someone about a problem and they turn it into a joke, or try to make any attempt to crack a joke,
I'm. Going. To. Punch. Them. In. The. Fucking. Face.
I hope I made that clear enough. I know some people joke around to try to cheer people up. I know that if its something minor like if I break my windshield (again!) a joke is good. But there were times when I tried to talk to people about losing my gma when I was really upset and they tried to find a joke to crack. Not about her or her death just a joke in general. First of all you are seriously fucked up in your head, and second, do not, DO NOT, joke around about serious shit with me. Especially when I'm talking about losing a family member I was extremely close to. Because now I have fucking issues because people couldn't just let me talk to them about that. Its bottled up inside and I'm probably going to end up in a damn crazy house because someone felt the need to crack a joke.
Ok I'm done venting and made myself cry so that's just wonderful. But the person I mentioned earlier never did that. They were actually a friend. Surprise, surprise! It helped not being put down by someone.
Anyway, the last part of getting out of this depression is on me to take care of. I have to change the way I really think about some things and escape some toxic friendships with people who have pulled me down, which I plan on doing over the course of the next few months. I guess we will just have to see what happens...
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